Non-drinking Saturday nights are king

The Bell Inn put in their best performance of 2011 to demolish Drayton 6-0.

Only two of the squad turned up hungover, which made a huge difference as the team actually played some decent football and weren’t asking to be subsituted every ten minutes.

The exceptions to this were alcoholic Richard Donovan and dirty Leeds scum Robbie Stone.

Manager Ian Babbs delighted many members of the squad by announcing a new-look 4-3-3 formation, with Tom Brown playing in the hole behind the manager and Johnny Holland. Ben Spalding played his first 90 minutes in months in the midfield alongside Josh Eyre and George Newberry.

With Owen Southgate’s presence on the bench, a warm-up was actually performed prior to kick-off.

The Bell Inn started brilliantly with early goals from Babbs, Holland and Brown, before centre-back Nath Sadler bombed it through with a series of one-twos which resulted in a finish which can only be described as “Tom Brown-like”. AKA, composed, delightful and just simply brilliant.

It was the best half of football the team have had this season, with WAG Kirsty Parker claiming it was a ‘joy to watch’. Obviously she missed her boyfriend’s attempts at tackling the Drayton left-winger.

Half time : Drayton 0 v 5 Bell Inn

Stone’s alcohol problem’s started to hit him early in the second half, with his usual 40 yard cross field balls flying out for goal-kicks. Donovan however seemed to improve as the game went on, dancing around the Drayton centre-forward’s with a series of risky tricks.

Babb’s added a sixth goal to put him joint top-scorer with rival Brown, both on 25. Next week will see these two play upfront together in Holland’s absence. They will be praying the other does not score and as a result will not be passing to each other.

Youngster Cameron Mulley, grandad Chris Sutcliffe and Southgate entered the arena in the second half as the Bell Inn saw out the game without breaking sweat; apart from Eyre who seems to be dripping like a dog within minutes of kick off.

All in all, very good performance from all 14 players and with the cup final just around the corner, everyone is playing for their place.

Final score : Drayton 0 v 6 Bell Inn

Babb 2, Holland 2, Brown, Sadler

SUN RATINGS:

Chris Richmond – 7 – Didn’t really need his gloves today.

Stu Henning – 7 -Probably a better attacking full-back than Maicon.

Richard Donovan – 9 – Claimed by not drinking jagerbombs improved the state of his hangover.

Nath Sadler – 8 – Brilliant goal, potentially pushing to a place up front for the cup final.

Robbie Stone – 7 – The James Corden look-a-like did well not to throw up.

George Newberry – 7 – Constant threat down the right hand side of midfield.

Josh Eyre – 9 – Worked like a cart-horse, also looks like one.

Ben Spalding – 9 – STAR MAN – Superb on the ball, involved in most attacks.

Tom Brown – 9 – Even though I write the report and am not arrogant, thought I was very good today.

Ian Babbs – 9 – Topped off a quite simply brilliant weekend on all fronts.

Johnny Holland – 8 – Would have got a 9 if didn’t keep falling over.

SUBS

Cameron Mulley – 7 – Linked up well with front men.

Chris Sutcliffe – 2 – Deserves a 2 just for being Chris Sutcliffe.

Owen Southgate – 7 – Did a warm up, something many of the team have never heard of.

White’s beat Black’s in multi-national affair

The Bell Inn continued their fine run of form with a comprehensive victory over Chapelfield Rovers.

The night before saw most the squad celebrate the manager’s birthday, which resulted in Ian Babb being stupidly late to the ground. Hangover’s were there to be seen and after 3 minutes, the away side took the lead and things looked bleak.

Josh Eyre was tiring after his first touch, Tom Brown was sweating out Jagerbombs, Babb was still drunk, the Donovan brother’s were a state as usual and the rest of the squad looked like a group of homeless tramps.

After 10 minutes of pain, the Bell Inn finally started to play and dominated from then on. Eyre’s superb, but unrealistic cross set up Babb for his second headed goal in as many games. Brown added to the scoreline with a trade-mark finish to end a goal drought, which was predicted to last until 2012 by many. Eyre also got himself on the score sheet again, but we won’t talk about that.

It was a great relief for Brown who was earlier in the week touted to be the best striker in Sunday League football, albeit by himself.

The addition of vetern Mark Donovan added a bit more class to the defence, with usual centre back Richard Donovan moving upto midfield.

Chances went begging for the rest of the half as a Stu Henning free-kick went inches wide and Johnny Holland tradionally blasted a few balls into row Z.

Half Time : Bell Inn 3 v 1 Chapelfield Rovers

A fight between two Chapelfield player’s marred the half time break but did not distract the Bell Inn, as they continued to dominated on a pitch which could only be described as a mud-bath.

More chances came and went, including about fifteen Brown corners which somehow couldn’t be converted. The guilty party here was Richard Donovan, who did everything but score a header.

Babb’s netted two more to complete his hat-trick, all tidy finishes. Holland got himself  a goal too with 20 minutes remaining, although the decision will go to the dubious-goal-panel, after his shot smashed the post and went in off the back of the keepers head.

But the most positive note of the day saw injury-victims Reece Ashman and Ben Spalling come off the bench and have a decent run-out, in the hope to be fit for the Junior Cup Final in a few weeks times.

Not a great performance but an important win for the Bell Inn. With four teams pushing for promotion, every game is crucial and one bad result from either may result in another season in Divison 4. Which quite frankly would be a disgrace.

Also, a special mention must go to ‘Donovan’s Gang’, who are the firm of the Bell Inn and come to support the club more than most. They were not mentioned in last weeks match report which was a huge mistake on my behalf. I would like to send out my sincere apoligies.

Final Score

Bell Inn 6 v 1 Chapelfield Rovers

(Babb 3, Eyre, Holland, Brown)

SUN RATINGS

Chris Richmond – 7 – Must have been very bored in goal.

Stu Henning – 8 – STAR MAN – Tackling much improved. Rory Delap style throw’s were dangerous.

Mark Donovan – 7 – Needs to lose weight. Potentially lost all talent he previously had.

Nath Sadler – 7 – More consistent than Phil Neville.

Liam Ward – 7 – Solid defensivly, didn’t give away one free kick.

Baz – 7 – Tidy skills down the flank, missed a sitter.

Richard Donovan – 8 – Slowly getting back to his best.

Josh Eyre – 4 – What a mess. Seriously needs to take a good look at himself. Subbed. And rightly so.

Johnny Holland – 8 – Pace can destroy any right back in the country.

Tom Brown – 7 – Crucial he didn’t get muddy due to after-match family meal.

Ian Babb – 8 – Constant threat going forward, put away the chances he had.

SUBS

Reece Ashman – 6 – Hobbled about, hopefully will be back to full fitness next week.

Ben Spalling – 7 – Class on the ball, crucial he is fit for the cup final.

Bell Inn defy odds to reach Junior Cup Final

The Bell Inn F.C put in their best performance of the season to beat Riverside Rovers in the semi-final of the Sunday Junior Cup.

After weeks of anticipation, Riverside’s two and a half year unbeaten record came to an end in a thrilling 3-2 win for the team from Barnham Broom.

With a record attendance of 54 at Norfolk’s equivalent to the ‘Theatre of Dreams’, the Bell Inn actually turned up on time and did a warm-up.

The week’s distractions of Richard Donovan’s depression, Reece Ashman’s injury and Ian Babb’s and Tom Brown’s transfer rumours were all forgotten by kick-off as the yellows dominated from start to finish in a performance that can only be described as ‘Barcelona-like”.

Even a few hangover’s and niggles didn’t stop the Bell Inn from turning it on when it mattered as they took as early lead through Ian Babb.

A brilliant defensive performance from all of the back four and goalkeeper Chris Richmond restricted Riverside to ‘pop shots’, which were jeered by the crowd including London-based Paul Munday, Mulbarton Wanderers manager Matty Dye, Ashman’s dog and a series of WAG’s, friends and parents.

Half time : Bell Inn 1 v 0 Riverside.

The away side received an ‘utter bollocking’ from their gaffa at half-time but it made no difference as George Newberry, who was dominating the midfield all game, made it 2-0 with a great finish and an even greater celebration, which saw him thrown on the floor head first.

Chris Sutcliffe, Liam Ward and Lane came off the bench to tighten up the game, which saw the latter provide an inch-perfect cross for Babb to glance home with his head. those who weren’t in attendance probably won’t believe Babb scored a header as the crowd gasped when it crossed the line, many almost passing-out in shock.

Riverside started to play with 10 minutes left on the clock, and hit back with two late goals, but it wasn’t enough, even with 5 minutes injury time, as the Bell Inn took their place in the Cup Final in their debut season.

It was a truly superb performance from everyone on the pitch and a special thanks must go to the supporters who turned out in their numbers and added to the atmosphere with a few chants, started by the vocal Kris Lane.

Final Score : Bell Inn 3 v 2 Riverside Rovers.

SUN RATINGS:

Chris Richmond – 9 – Contender for player of the season with another solid display.

Stu Henning – 9 – Best performance of the season when it really mattered.

Richard Donovan – 9 – STAR MAN – Didn’t go out the night before. Nuff said. Brilliant.

Nath Sadler – 9 – Captain will hope to be lifting the trophy in 5 weeks time.

Robbie Stone – 8 – Another solid performance, shame he plays for a shit club on Saturdays.

Baz – 8 – Comfortable on the ball, great shift.

Josh Eyre – 8 – Improving every game, maybe he can play football?

George Newberry – 9 – Signing the youngster has improved the team no end.

Johnny Holland – 7 – Adapted well to the left wing, worked very hard.

Ian Babb – 9 – Shone in front of his missus, get her along to watch every week.

Tom Brown – 5 – Everyone is allowed an ‘off day’ now and again. Still King.

SUBS:

Kris Lane – 8 – Great assist sealed the win.

Chris Sutcliffe – 7 – Calmed the game down with his vast experience.

Liam Ward – 6 – Hardly touched the ball but still better than Brown.

Brown’s future in doubt as Donovan hits depression

Divison 2B club Spixworth have made an illegal approach for top goalscorer Tom Brown on a hectic day for the Bell Inn.

As rumours surfaced, Richard Donovan left work early and ‘hit the bottle’, concerned that his pal was on his way to another club.

Brown, who works with the Spixworth First Team manager, was handed two signing on forms this morning and asked to join the club along with Bell Inn chairman/manager/striker Ian Babb. Apparently the strikers had been scouted during the demolishing of Spixworth Reserves just three weeks ago.

Donovan, 25, is known for his mood swings and after being found in the work toilets with a gun to his head, was sent home. 4 hours later, a friend popped round for Donovan who was apparently “off his face off jagerbombs”. The friend, who remains to be kept secret, has set up a rehab meeeting Monday morning to try and keep this once intelligent, funny bloke on the straight and narrow.

Spixworth are keen for the Bell Inn to be knocked out of the cup this weekend and feel with this happening, Brown and potentially Babb could decide to move on. The pair are yet to comment.

As for Donovan, Saturday will be spent with counsellors as he tries to recover from the ‘heart-ache’ in time for Sundays game.

Donovan scores two to make amends

Centre back Richard Donovan replied to his recent critism by scoring 2 goals in a 10-1 victory for the Bell Inn against a poor Wendene Wanderers.

Donovan, 25, was taunted on the club’s official online forum last week by both fans and fellow players for his poor performances, which were rumoured to be alcohol related, but responded today with firstly a 6 yard tap in followed by a 2 yard tap in. Josh Eyre could have scored these ‘sitters’ but he was in the right place at the right time to take his tally to 8 for the season.

As usual, the Bell Inn arrived late to the game and were barely changed in time for kick-off, but started well and found themselves in pole position from as early as the first 10 minutes.

Kris Lane and Tom Brown shone up front, assisting and scoring goals, with Baz and Liam Ward a constant threat from the wings including a goal a piece in a dominant first half display. A special mention must also go to full-backs Stu Henning and Robbie Stone, whose through balls destroyed the Wendene defence and created chance after chance for the attackers.

However, an injury to pace-man Reece Ashman dulled the day. He has a week to recover for the Junior Cup Semi Final and is rumoured to be having a week off work and intensive therapy to make sure he is available.

The second half carried on with the Bell Inn dominating, with Ian Babb (2), Henning adding to the 7-0 half time lead. As unrealistic as it sounds Eyre, who during the second half threw himself and performed a ridiculous diving header, was responsible for a number of assists and he has not shut up about it since. As was Brown, but has took it in his stride and not acted as arrogantly as the silly man who thinks he is a good centre midfield player.

It was a great performance against a poor team but some of the football was brilliant and all looks good for the semi-final next weekend. With professional linesmen as well as a ‘top class’ referee, the Bell Inn would like as many supporters attend the big game.

Score:

The Bell Inn 10 v 1 Wendene Wanderers

Brown 2, Babb 2, Donovan 2, Henning, Baz, Ward.

SUN RATINGS

Chris – 7 – Safe hands in a difficult wind.

Henning – 8 – Delap style throws a major asset.

Donovan 8 – Proved to people that there is more to life than alcohol.

Sadler – 7 – Steady and composed as usual.

Robbie – 8 – Better left foot than Stuart Pearce.

Baz – 7 – First goal of an injury hit season.

Eyre – 8 – MAN OF THE MATCH – Hate to say it but had a great game.

Newberry – 7 – Buzzing around the field like a dog on ectasy.

Ashman – 5 – Pussy.

Brown – 8 – Standard two goals from the top goalscorer.

Kris Lane – 8 – Given the manager a selection headache ahead of next week’s semi final.

SUBS:

Ward – 7 – Up and down the flank like a yo-yo.

Babb – 7 – Typical Babb, two goals and two percent pass completion rate.

Ben – 6 – A week’s long intense fitness regime needed to get him fit for next week’s game.

WAGS:

Parker – 8 – Odds on favourite for WAG of the year