27 Jul 2011 Leave a comment
After the success of last season’s club song ‘Black and Yellow’ by Wiz Khalifa, the new season see’s a new anthem.
Eventually a decision was made, after much debate, and has been agreed as Paul Simon’s hit ‘You can call me Al’.
Here is a link incase you are clueless and haven’t heard it.
Enjoy. It will be played in the changing room before games. Drunken dancing and singing is a must, so learn the words.
24 Jul 2011 Leave a comment
1. Chris Richmond
2. Liam Ward
3. Robbie Stone
4. Chris Sutcliffe
5. Rich Donovan
6. Baz
7. Stu Henning
8. Ben Spalding
9. Ian Babb
10. Reece Ashman
11. Tom Brown
12. Danny Bland
13. Josh Eyre
14. Kris Lane
15. Danny Holman
16. Luke Appleton
17. Nick Appleton
18. Matty Dye
19. Johnny Holland
20. Paul Munday
21. Nath Sadler
22. Neil Anderson
22 Jul 2011 1 Comment
When you ask a striker how many goals he got last season, what do you expect to hear?
Bare in mind you have been playing in the lowest tier league of Sunday League football.
15 is reasonable.
20 is quite good.
30 is very good.
How about 3? Well that is the answer Bell Inn striker Kris Lane has to admit to and quite frankly, it is embarrassing.
The Bell Inn scored 100 league goals last season. Ian Babb hit 28, Tom Brown 27. Midfielders Johnny Holland and Reece Ashman scored their far share, as did defenders Richard Donovan and Stu Henning.
But the striker, with the self-proclaimed ‘fastest feet in the team’, chipped in with a measly three. This is on par with Premiership players such as Joleon Lescott, Jamie O’Hara and Steven Taylor.
However, the ever-confident Lane is hoping for better things next season.
“This season I will establish myself as the most important player in the team and will win Player of the Season”, he told club journalist and strike rival Brown.
“But most importantly I will reduce Tom Brown to linesman”. Is this David Beckham impressionist mental?
He even tried to stick up for his woeful performances last season.
“Every game I started upfront I scored. When I played midfield I dominated”.
Ask any of the 187 fans who watched the Junior Cup Final. Lane started in central midfield and looked like a lost little boy in a supermarket. He eventually was subbed to a chorus of boo’s from both set of fans.
But Lane, now 27 and blonder than ever, thinks he will lead the line next campaign.
“With Ian Babb ageing and Tom Brown uninterested, I am confident it will be a prolific season”.
It is a good job he is confident because there isn’t anyone else in Norfolk who is.
Lane’s aims for the season are to grab a goal a game. Again, unlikely, if not impossible. He describes his strengths as….
-Finishing (yes 3 goals a season from a striker shows you are brilliant at that)
-Heading (never seen him header a ball)
-Control (has the touch of a rapist)
-Ability to beat players (struggles to run and is worn out after ten minutes)
As the interview concluded, Lane seemed to grow more and more arrogant as he sat there in a vest, looking at his guns every three minutes. He even had the nerve to criticise a few of his team-mates.
“Tom Brown is like Amir Zaki, a one season wonder. Ben Spalding is battling against alcohol problems and an eating disorder. Reece Ashman is struggling to settle with the club since he started a relationship with his girlfriend and similar to Carlos Tevez, may be forced to move to his home town of Lakenham.”
Dangerous move. A player protest is expected which may spell the end of his Bell Inn career. Dissing the manager, as well as the best player and the hardest player in the squad is a bad move. Lane better watch his back.
Will Lane force himself into the first 11 next season? Personally, I dont think he is good enough. But then again, he is better than Josh Eyre so maybe fighting for a place in centre midfield is the only option for him. But then again, even Eyre managed more goals than Lane last season, which really does sum up how pathetic his tally of three was.
In other news, the captain’s armband is up for grabs since Nathan Sadler has left the club. Front runners for it seem to be Richard Donovan, Josh Eyre and Stu Henning. A vote may be cast for the players and WAGs to decide on who gets the honour to captain the best Sunday side in Norfolk.
Liam Ward has sent a few texts recently, unprovoked, saying “Fuck tha Bell Inn”. Not only is his attitude terrible, his spelling of “the” is simply chavvy and retarded.
Rumours have been flying around about the potential arrivals of Nick and Luke Appleton, as well as Mark Sutcliffe. Deals will be made or broke by the end of next week regarding the three Mulbarton boys.
Richard Donovan has also come out of Saturday League retirement and has returned to Mulbarton Wanderers, the club he quit only 10 months ago.
And finally, the Bell Inn’s only foreign player ‘Baz’ is still alive. A recent text has confirmed that he is playing again next season.
News on transfers and the official Squad number list will be posted next week. As will a list of friendlies, if manager Babb actually gets off his ass and arranges one. It is strongly rumoured that one against rivals Poringland is on the cards, where Danny Bland will go head to head against his old club.
Regards,
Tom “it doesn’t matter what hair style I have, it will always look better than Kris Lane’s blonde bowl cut” Brown
12 Jul 2011 1 Comment
The Bell Inn were handed a massive boost this morning when ‘star’ striker Tom Brown signed a new one-year contract.
Brown, now sporting a new mohawk hairstyle designed by housemate and teammate Josh Eyre, turned down a total of 9 offers to end months of speculation regarding his future.
After hundreds of phone calls from teammates and WAGs, Brown decided to stay put claiming, “my heart wouldn’t let me leave”.
Brown, 24, scored an impressive 27 goals on his debut season including a substitute appearance hat-trick in the County Cup Quarter Final, has attracted no end of interest after putting in a transfer request on the league’s website.
Club’s throughout the divison’s bombarded the striker with emails and phone calls and Brown replied to each and every one today stating;
“Thankyou for your interest but after an improved offer of a contract, I have decided to stay with the Bell Inn for the foreseeable future”.
Clubs that approached Brown were Hellesdon Athletic, Wellington Pink Uns, New Buckenham F.C, Eaton F.C, Ribs Rovers, Prince of Denmark, Dereham Wanderers, Vale Longo and Unicorns.
Brown almost decided for a move to Premier League new-boys Unicorns but contracts stalled at the last minute after he found out their players stay in on a Saturday night.
In other news, parent club Mulbarton Wanderers have started pre season training under new gaffa Daniel Gaskin. This is crucial for the members of the Bell Inn as they do not train themselves.
Former captain Nathan Sadler is just weeks away from a move to Dubai. He will be sorely missed and a big night is currently being planned to bid him farewell. All members of the Bell Inn are expected to attend.
Richard Donovan’s drinking addiction stopped for a few weeks but it is rumoured that he is back on it. If true, friends could start to turn their back on him.
Robbie Stone had a surprise birthday party and none of the Bell Inn were invited. Obviously this is not his fault as he didn’t know about it. But still, this shows that he doesn’t tell his ‘real’ friends about us. Therefore, we are not his friends anymore. Manager Ian Babb is considering placing him on the transfer list.
Josh Eyre is still looking for love, but as always is looking in the wrong places.
Baz has gone missing.
Chris Sutcliffe has continued to lose weight and is now looking trim.
And finally, Johnny Holland had a controversal weekend involving a work colleague. The details cannot be published online so if you want to know more, its best to inbox him on Facebook.
King Regards,
Tom “when we do the vote for new Bell Inn captain, vote me, else you will get abuse on here all season; the choice is yours.” Brown
The Bell Inn F.C 