Captain Henning guides Bell Inn to victory

The Bell Inn prepared for the start of life in Divison 3B next weekend with a glorious performance against Cossey. I know it isn’t spelt like that but I am tired and cannot be bothered to get the exact spelling.

After losing 6 of their last 7 games at the end of last season, changes have been made. Players have left and some have come in. unfortunately one of them coming in is Neil Anderson, who complained of fatigue just 15 minutes into the first half.

Stu Henning was given the captaincy and lead by example, which included him scoring a penalty. He did well to score considering even some of his own players were shouting ‘MISS’ at him. Personally, i wanted him to miss as i want to take penalties.

With 23 players signed on for the Bell Inn and no one going out the night before, it was a surprise that only 12 could make it to the game.

This wasn’t helped either by Richard Donovan, who drove to Cossey and couldn’t find the pitch. He got in a mood, phoned a few players and said he was going home.

He turned up though. Ten minutes before kick off. In a mood. As usual. Then went out clubbing after the game, and is back in a mood today.

The Bell Inn went 1-0 down after 5 minutes but fought back before half time with two goals from youth academy starlet Cameron Mulley.

Manager Babb brought himself on at half time and various players had 10 minute rests as the squad rotated.

The second half was a joy to watch. I say ‘watch’, because even though I was playing, I spend a lot of time watching. According to various teammates. Who liked to shout at me every two minutes and tell me to ‘run more’ and ‘jump for headers’.

Personally, I don’t think i need to do this. I am good enough without having to mess around with these pointless parts of the game.

And I proved that by scoring directly from a corner in the second half. It simply was sublime.

Babb slotted home the fifth goal shortly after Henning’s penalty as the game finished 5-1 to the Bell Inn

All 12 players were brilliant, apart from Bean, who looked well out of depth. But he will improve.

Many said after the game that this was the best the Bell Inn have ever played. All looks good for next weeks league opener against rivals and fellow promotion friends Briston Wanderers.

SUN RATINGS

C. Richmond – 7 – Did not have much to do. Booted the ball against a strikers face from a goal kick. Solid.

S. Henning – 8 – Led by example with the captaincy. Kept up his impressive 100% penalty record.

R. Donovan – 9 – Looked sharp pre-season for Mulbarton and carried that on for the Bell Inn. A lot better when not hungover.

S. Wyer – 9 – Youth academy prospect looked brilliant. Ideal replacement for last season’s captain and now Dubai habitat Sadler.

L. Ward – 9 – STAR MAN – Best display of defending I have ever seen from him. Also kept his cool when two footed three times. Matured.

N. Anderson – 3 – Has he ever kicked a ball before? Also, 3.30am phone call whilst in an ABC taxi lowered his rating even more.

B. Spalding – 9 – Getting back to his best. Passed well, worked hard, got cramp. But survived.

J. Eyre – 0 – Only the second ever 0 in Bell Inn history. Due to moaning at me during the game and jumping on my bed at 4.30am this morning, breaking my glasses. The worst best friend of all time.

R. Ashman – 8 – Linked up well with Ward, brilliant going forward. Crucial he stays fit and doesn’t f*ckoff to Spain this season.

T. Brown – 8 – If anyone else was rating the players, I would have got a 10 and man of the match. But I am not biased. Brilliant performance. Worked hard. Was good in the air. Took his goal, from the corner flag, superbly.

C. Mulley – 9 – Took both goals really well. Great asset to the squad. Hopefully will keep Kris Lane away from the squad this season.

SUB

I. Babb – 9 – Ran defence ragged when he came on. Could have scored a hat trick. Saving his goals for next weekend.

WAGS

C. Leveridge – 10 – Brought the dog.

K. Parker – 9 – Failed to bring any pets.

 

Regarding next weekend, we are at home to Briston Wanderers at 10.30am.

Briston won Divison 4B last year and gained promotion with us. We lost to them twice, but I didn’t play either time. So if we win….

It would be nice to see Mulbarton manager Danny Gaskin in attendance. Last season’s gaffa Matt Dye came to watch most weeks.

Tickets are priced at : £6 seated £4 standing.

Merchandise is also available now at the Bell Inn club shop (8 Cutters Row). Shirts with player names and numbers are priced at £15.

Thanks for reading, and apologies to the fans that we have let Bean join the club.

Regards,

Tom “Only great players score from corners, unless your name is Kris Lane. Then it’s luck.” Brown

Only four players attend first pre-season session

The Bell Inn’s second season is already in doubt after a measly FOUR players turn up to training Sunday morning.

Manager Ian Babb sent a text around during the week, in which 15 replied saying they will attend. Harsh words were exchanged between the manager and his squad as he stated if you train Sunday, you will start the first game. Absent players will either be sub or dropped.

Due to the poor attendance, the Bell Inn will go into their ONLY friendly on the 21^st of August with just four players in the starting line up.

Not only are we playing a team three divisions above us, but we are playing with just four players. The scoreline could hit treble figures.

To make things worse, one of the attendee’s wasn’t even a squad member. Tommy ‘Tucker’ Hare retired from football 3 years ago and will not be signing on. That left just the manager himself, Josh Eyre and Kris Lane.

Rumours have it that the Bell Inn will be playing a 1-1-1 formation, with Eyre at the back, Lane central midfield and Babb upfront. There will be a total of 18 players on the bench, but they will not be used before half time.

Worries have been echoed around the Bell Inn for months now. Captain Nathan Sadler and dinosaur Johnny Holland left the club and since then it has been downhill.

Richard Donovan has started drinking again. Kris Lane has grown his hair to an unacceptable length. Liam Ward has publicly slated the club. Reece Ashman hasn’t been seen for months since being in a relationship.

On top of this, Stu Henning hasn’t kicked a ball for 3 months. Neil Anderson has joined as Holland’s replacement, which is the equivalent to replacing Fabregas with Denilson at Arsenal. Eyre is terminally injured. As well as having a shoulder which is taking months to recover, his knee is now ruined. Many say his career is coming to an end.

On a positive note, Nick Appleton has confirmed he will be playing ‘as much as he can’ this season and has vowed to bring his brother Luke along when he plays.

Tom Brown has improved drastically since last season. After turning down a total of 13 approaches from higher league clubs, the striker is odds on favourite to score the most goals in Norfolk Sunday League football this season.

Also, Ben Spalding has been pre season training regularly for his Saturday club. The once podgy midfielder has lost 6 stone and now looks ‘reem’, as his facebook name of Ben ‘Joey Essex’ Spalding suggests.

The Bell Inn have just under a month until the new season starts. After losing 6 of their last 7 games at the end of last year, confidence is extremely low. The poor showing at training has only added to the club’s woes. Can manager Babb turn the club around or will they continue this sorry state of affairs and end up back in Divison 4B?

In other news, ex-captain Nathan Sadler travelled all the way to North Walsham, by taxi, to get laid. The young lady’s mother gave him a lift back in the morning.

Richard Donovan lost a ‘best of 3’ series on Pro Evo to Tom Brown. After winning the first game and stating to Brown, “I don’t think you will be able to ever beat me”, Brown came back to destroy the alcoholic and take the series 2-1.

Ian Babb was violently sick on the walk home from Tao Saturday night/Sunday morning. At 29 years old, he is in danger of dying early. Most people this age have a family and kids. EG, Danny Gaskin, the new father to be.

And finally, Kris Lane had a haircut. Jokes, of course he didn’t. He has turned into a tramp. He will NEVER take my place up front.

 

Regards,

Tom “I knew I should have accepted one of the 13 offers and joined a better club” Brown.