Season Preview

In 2 days the Bell Inn kick off their season in the mighty heights of Divison 2B.

Under a new management regime of Tom Brown and Neil Anderson, the Bell Inn have recorded their best pre-season to date in terms of results and signings.

A 9-1 win against Mulbarton followed by a 7-3 win at Hellesdon got the ball rolling.

A slightly uneven contest at Bunwell last week rounded up the pre-season, with the Bell Inn sneaking a 21-2 win.

Everyone has impressed in pre-season apart from Paul Munday and Ben Spalding, who didn’t take part but have decided they are now fit, just in time for the first league game.

Munday and Spalding, who continuously write on Facebook about being brothers, even though they aren’t, will be lucky to get on the pitch Sunday. Spalding because of his absence and Munday because he is awful at football.

Unfortunately we had to re-sign Munday this season because he has paid the £20 signing on fee. We needed the money and he has it. The only problem being is we now have to let him play.

During a busy summer in the transfer market, Simon Freemantle was signed. The Cromer striker is simply too good for this league and anything below 50 goals will be seen as a failure.

Swedish full-back James Olsson has joined the club in what will be his first season of 11-a-side football. Olsson, a mario-kart addict, is currently injured but is hoping to get himself fit for Sunday.

Will Farrow, the better looking brother of Josh, was signed after impressing for Mulbarton last season. However, Farrow does suffer from aggression problems and is likely to get sent off most weeks.

Danny Moore, Norfolk’s most unorthodox footballer is another new face at the club. Moore managed to score on his debut; Moore won’t score again all season.

Wymondham Stiffler look-a-like Gareth Barker has joined the club but is also currently injured. He will be back by the end of September.

James Hyde, Jesse Payne Wilkins and Ian Robinson have also agreed terms and will feature as and when.

Payne-Wilkins has similar commitment problems to Brown so probably wont turn up very often due to alcohol.

This season, the managers are looking for instant success.

Brown and Bean, who were appointed in the summer for no apparent but strange reason, are looking to do something Ian Babb couldn’t do; win a trophy.

The league is there for the taking. As is the cup. Any defeat this season will be an embarrassment. And will be blamed on Bean.

Any win or trophy will be down to Brown.

On Sunday the Bell Inn kick off at 10.30am away to Hillside, on Sloughbottom Park.

Squad:

Ben Spalding, Rich Donovan, Danny Bland, Jack Tarrant, Joe Pattison, James Olsson, Paul Munday, Neil Anderson, Liam Ward, Dale Simpson, Will Farrow, Josh Farrow, Simon Freemantle.

Maybes:

Reece Ashman, Tom Brown, Chris Richmond.

Bell Inn sneak win against Bunwell

With the league campaign starting on Sunday, it was important the Bell Inn put in a good performance at Bunwell as everyone was fighting for a start in next weeks opener.

Despite struggling for the first 15 minutes, the Bell Inn came to life to score 21 goals in the biggest win in the clubs history.
Bunwell, a newly formed team made up of mainly youngsters and veterans, simply couldn’t cope with the attacking power of the Bell Inn and even allowed Neil ‘Bean’ Anderson to score 2 goals, in front of his sponsors James Pipe and Matt Bradfield.

In all fairness, it was a bit of a mis-match.

On arrival, manager Tom Brown learnt from the Bunwell boss that in their two previous friendlies they had lost 9-1 and 19-2. Adding a 21-2 defeat to this doesn’t give them much confidence going into their league opener in 6 days. I think we may have completely ruined any ounce of hope and confidence they have for the coming season.

Cromer striker Simon Freemantle, who scored a hat-trick for Cromer on Saturday, notched an impressive 5 first half goals.

Freemantle was signed by Brown 6 weeks ago and has simply been touted as the signing of the summer throughout the whole of Norfolk.

Joe Pattison also scored 5, including a couple of ‘cocky’ finishes. He now has 10 goals in 3 games this season, which is probably more than he will get all season for Mulbarton Wanderers.

Jack Tarrant scored the first and last hat-trick of his career. His third goal was tapped in from 1 yard after Josh Farrow had rounded the keeper and instead of scoring himself, teed up Tarrant for a hat-trick. It was only seconds later that Farrow himself was on a hat-trick. Idiot.

Bean’s two finishes were casual as you like, that of a ’30 goals a season’ striker. Let’s face it though, put Bean up against any player with a football brain and he becomes useless, which he was all last season and will probably be all this season.

Dale Simpson, who was superb throughout, added to the tally. As did Liam Ward with a rare goal.

Reece carried on his good form to net but the most surprising goal was that of debutant Danny Moore.

Moore, a clumsy defender who just runs about like a headless chicken, picked the ball up from 35 yards out and pinged it into the top corner. It was a fluke. It was a cross. Even though he insists he shot.

The only two disappointing things from the game were;

1) conceding two goals against a team that will struggle to score two goals all season.

2) only having two fans (three if you include injury victim James Olsson) on the touch-line.

Paul Donovan, a life-long Bell Inn fan, didn’t turn up. Rumours have it that if he doesn’t show next week, we may ban him from our ground.

Final Score : Bunwell 2 v 21 Bell Inn

(Freemantle 13, 15, 21, 36, 44. Pattison 14, 57, 78, 82, 85. Simpson 18. J. Farrow 23, 71. Anderson 25, 27. Tarrant 30, 55, 83. Ward 40. Moore 43. Reece 68)

 

PLAYER RATINGS

Chris Richmond – 7 – Literally had nothing to do. Goals conceded were not his fault.

Liam Ward – 7 – Scored a decent goal and defended solidly.

Richard Donovan – 8 – Switched teams at half time to tighten up their defence. Came off injured.

Danny Moore – 8 – Impressive debut, but must be willing to play in different positions.

Robbie Stone – 7 – Did well to turn up this week.

Reece Ashman – 8 – Destroyed the full back every time.

Jack Tarrant – 9 – MAN OF MATCH – A rare hat-trick.

Josh Farrow – 8 – When kept simple, was unplayable.

Dale Simpson – 8 – Same as J.Farrow.

Joe Pattison – 9 – On fire.

Simon Freemantle – 9 – Different class.

SUBS

Will Farrow – 7 – Played a half for each team. Missed a few sitters.

Adam Brown –  9 – So composed on the ball and keeps it simple. Needed.

Neil Anderson – 8 – Potentially the best he has ever played.

 

Despite the three friendlies being against worse opposition, we have still played some decent football and scored goals.

However, the league starts Sunday and it is not going to be as easy.

Confidence is high and rightly so, but next week we need to play some decent football because if not team’s will beat us. Teams that are not as good as us.

The last two season’s have seen the Bell Inn come 4th and 5th, despite being the best team in the league on their day.

This season is different, we are going to win it.

Away at Hillside on Sunday, we need as many fans as possible.

And the official team photo will be taken before kick off, so make sure you all do your hair.

Regards.

Tom ‘ going to be suited and booted’ Brown.

 

 

Mulbarton misfit hits first Bell Inn hat-trick

The Bell Inn recorded their second win of pre-season with an impressive 7-3 win away to Hellesdon Reserves.

Joe Pattison, 23, scored a hat-trick to make it 5 goals in 2 matches as the Bell Inn produced attack after attack in their bid to stay unbeaten all season.

Pattison, however, was pulled off at half time by the management after attempting a dinky-chip when one on one with the opposition goalkeeper. The shot was spooned tamely wide and was greeted with a chorus of abusive language from his team-mates.

The striker was forced to run the line as a punishment but came on midway through the second half to score 2 more goals and complete his hat-trick.

Pattison has been the Bell Inn’s top performer so far in pre-season, in contrast to really struggling for his Saturday side Mulbarton.

Despite starting every game up front on Saturday’s, he has struggled to have many shots, let alone score.

However, he is keeping the club’s all time leading goalscorer Ian Babb out of the team, which again questions the management knowledge of Mulbarton’s manager/village idiot Daniel Gaskin.

Rumours have it that Gaskin is even closer to getting the sack after openly mocking TB Blogs on Facebook last week.

Gaskin, now a father, tries to write his own match reports and they are simply appalling. So boring, I just skip to the bottom to check the final score.

As well as Pattison’s hat-trick, Jack Tarrant, Simon Freemantle, Josh Farrow and Dale Simpson got themselves on the score sheet.

Tarrant’s a neat finish, Freemantle netting after performing ten seconds of step-overs, Farrow’s a penalty and Simpson’s a standard sprint with the ball as every deflection falls at his feet until he is one-on-one with the keeper.

Although the attacking was good, the defending was dire at times.

So bad, that captain Richard Donovan marched off the pitch moaning after the third went in.

As skipper, Donovan should be a role model to the team, not a c*nt.

One more episode of this and the captaincy will go to Adam Brown. This type of behaviour will not be tolerated.

More acceptable behaviour is that of Danny Bland’s on Sunday.

Turning up completely and utterly hung over, the left-back had to be subbed three times. This is what we need more of. Bland is a prime example of a Bell Inn player.

More worrying was the absence of Robbie Stone.

He failed to show up and has not been seen or spoken to since.

If anyone has seen a fat James Corden look-a-like with a Leeds accent walking around Norwich or Dereham with a bottle of Stella, please contact the police.

Final Score:

Hellesdon 3 v 7 Bell Inn

(Simpson 8, Pattison 25, 71, 89, J. Farrow 35 pen, Tarrant 56, Freemantle 65)

SUN RATINGS

Chris Richmond – 6 – Spent all week trying to find a pair of boots then got injured.

James Olsson – 6 – Arrived 30 minutes early in a taxi.

Ian Robinson 8 – Solid in defence, even more impressive when went in goal.

Richard Donovan – 8 – Held the defence together but attitude stinks.

Danny Bland – 1 – Brilliant being hung over but disgraceful performance. Spend more time on the side lines with his face buried in the grass.

Will Farrow – 7 – Worked hard in about three different positions.

Jack Tarrant – 7 – Plays much better when sober.

Josh Farrow – 9 – Best he has played in a long time. Dominated the midfield.

Dale Simpson – 8 – So dangerous, impossible to tackle. Always a goal threat.

Simon Freemantle – 8 – Played through injury and sickness but still danced around the opposition.

Joe Pattison – 9 – Hoping he plays shit next week because he keeps texting me telling me how good he is.

SUBS

Adam Brown – 8 – Composed in defence and midfield, plays simple football.

Reece Ashman – 9 – STAR MAN – Made their left back look like a clown.

Neil Anderson – 7 – Only played about 15 minutes but didn’t put a foot wrong. Hit the post.

Once again impressive support from the touch-line. Keep coming every week. Even if it is only to laugh at Bean.

Next Sunday we are away at Bunwell for our last friendly.

Kind regards.

Tom ‘can’t even get in the team I manage’ Brown.

New look Bell Inn deliver a hiding.

The Bell Inn F.C started a new era with a good 9-1 win and performance against Mulbarton Wanderers A Team.

Now managed by Tom Brown and Neil ‘Bean’ Anderson, the club from Barnham Broom gave 6 debuts and even lent Mulbarton skipper Richard Donovan and Jesse Payne-Wilkins for the majority of the match.

However, this did not stop some outstanding attacking play from The Bell Inn as they hope to do something they are yet to do, win a trophy.

As usual, most of the squad turned up stupidly hungover. Jack Tarrant looking the worst, claiming he could not stomach any food before or after the match. He looked like death.

Donovan played through injury and hangover and even swapped teams, which has led to calls for him to be dropped as captain. Robbie Stone is the bookies favorite to take the armband for next weekends friendly.

James Olsson competed in his first ever 11 a side match and looked solid, despite his lack of height. He also turned up in a taxi, which shows top commitment. This is the sort of commitment we need this season to ensure we win the league and ensure Bean doesnt have to play much.

Simon Freemantle, probably the best striker in the Sunday leagues, looked a different class up top and also brought the best out of striker partner Joe Pattison.

Unfortunately Liam Ward and Adam Brown picked up slight knocks. Both pussy’s if you ask me.

The Bell Inn found themselves 6-0 up at half time, with two goals apiece from Jesse Payne-Wilkins and Pattison added to by Freemantle and debutant James Hyde.

Three more followed in the second half, with Freemantle grabbing his second, center-back come striker Stone someone scoring and Josh Farrow scoring the goal of the game with a 30 yard bullet free kick. He will not score a free kick again all season, let alone get one on target but fair play, it was a good goal.

As usual, the Bell Inn couldn’t keep a clean sheet as ‘fill in’ keeper John Curtis came off his line and got lobbed, by Mulbarton manager and general idiot Nick Eagle.

Mulbarton’s other manager Andy Shannon could only stand and stare, struggling to come to terms with Eagle scoring a goal.

The same almost happened again as Curtis decided to make a run from the goal to the half way line, before losing it.

Was good to see some support on the touchline too, with a few boys and girls from Wymondham in attendance, as well as club physio Jade Tinney making a very hungover appearance.

Regular Paul Donovan turned up half way through, which was a bit disappointing. He need him from the start.

Nick Appleton also came and wanted to play but wasn’t selected due to not being good enough.

As did Daniel Gaskin and his entire family, including the pet dog.

On the other side of the pitch saw the Farrows, McKenzies and most of Catmere Herne.

Final score:

MWFC 1 V 9 Bell Inn

(Freemantle 9, 73. Payne Wilkins 25, 44. Pattison 31, 35. Hyde 45. Stone 70. Farrow 82)

PLAYER RATINGS

John Curtis – 8 – Plays almost as a sweeper. Best goalkeeper about.

James Olsson 7 – MAN OF THE MATCH – Star man purely due to arriving in a taxi.

Richard Donovan – 2 – Switched to the opposition team after being subbed on 30 minutes by the strict new management.

Adam Brown – 7 – Struggled with injury and played in a bout 4 positions. Solid.

Danny Bland – 7 – First game for the Bell Inn since getting a tattoo. Helped his performance. Felt more masculine.

Will Farrow – 6 – Came up to me at the end and said he was sh#t. Wasn’t sh#t but have seen him player better.

Jesse Payne-Wilkins – 8 – Decided to turn up which is rare for Jesse. Very impressive. Yet to sign but deal soon to be made.

Jack Tarrant – 6 – Pale as a sheep. Looked ill.

Josh Farrow – 7 – Very good free kick and a couple of decent assists. Needs to stop arguing with his brother during the game.

Simon Freemantle – 9 – Poor, poor player. Lucky he gets in the team.

Joe Pattison – 9 – Best I have seen him play. Freemantle inspires him. Still missed 5 sitters.

SUBS

Robbie Stone – 7 – Spent most of the game talking about Creamfields.

Liam Ward – 6 – Just back from holiday so a bit tired. Decent shift before getting a knock.

James Hyde – 6 – Played out of position for some of the game but adapted well and scored a good goal.

Neil Anderson – 3 – Played 10 minutes then had to come off due to exhaustion.

This Sunday see’s us away to Hellesdon Reserves in our second friendly. Morning kick off this time though, which will see many players struggle to turn up (including myself).

With 4 or 5 players from last season’s squad still to be added, this should be a good season.

Another win is expected Sunday. A defeat or draw is simple not acceptable.

Regards.

Tom ‘tactical genius’ Brown.

Mulbarton (away)

Team for Sunday.

 

1. Neil Anderson

 

2. James Olsson

5. Richard Donovan

6. Robbie Stone

3. Danny Bland

 

7. Will Farrow

4. Jack Tarrant

8. Adam Brown

11. Josh Farrow

 

9. Simon Freemantle

10. Joe Pattison

 

Subs.

12. Chrissy Moore

13. Tom Brown

 

Bring £20 for Bean, he is broke having spent all of last months wages on this seasons pitch.