Bell Inn win as 100% record continues

The Bell Inn made it 7 league wins out of 7 as they battled to a 4-0 win at home to Sloughbottom Revolution.

Sloughbottom, despite sitting near the bottom of the table, have always had good, close games against the Bell Inn and today was no different.

Josh Farrow and Adam Brown were missing due to work, as was Tom Collishaw.

This meant re-calls from injured duo Liam Ward and James Olsson.

Despite the clocks going back the night before whilst most of the Bell Inn squad were in the LCR or the city, most players turned up on time, some in better states than others.

Dale Simpson turned up 30 minutes later with £30 worth of McDonalds, half of which he gave to joint-manager Tom Brown to enjoy whilst the team got changed.

Simpson then unsurprisingly threw up before kick off, and went on to throw up a further 3 times during the match.

Joe Pattison wasn’t in a great way either and nor was joint-manager Neil Anderson, who did the team a massive favour by declaring himself ‘too hungover to play’.

Unfortunately James Hyde had to pull out before kick off after picking up an injury yesterday, leaving the Bell Inn with 14 players.

However, two of these were Olsson and Ward, who hadn’t kicked a ball for 6 weeks.

Despite a standard slow start, the Bell Inn soon took the lead through Dale Simpson, after great work down the right hand side from Jack Tarrant.

Reece Ashman smashed home a second from the edge of the box as the Bell Inn started to take control.

Pattison made it three, netting at the third attempt after the goalkeeper had denied him twice.

Half Time – Bell Inn 3 – 0 Sloughbottom Revolution.

Fans turned up in their numbers to watch the Bell Inn. Each week the club is gaining more support and it is rumoured that Norwich City legend Darren Huckerby is coming to watch next week.

(Section of the home support)

Dale Simpson took a breather as ‘Tom Brown’ came on up front.

The game turned a bit scrappy second half as the day got colder and the pitch got heavier.

The fourth and final goal was from Robbie Stone, who curled home a 30 yard free-kick.

I’m not going to big it up anymore than that, just check Stone’s facebook wall and it has been described on their, by himself, one or two times.

A late Pattison booking meant he carried on with his expensive Bell Inn career, which including playing fee’s has cost him £53 in just 7 days.

Final Score – Bell Inn 4 – 0 Sloughbottom Revolution.

(Simpson, Ashman, Pattison, Stone)

PLAYER RATINGS

Chris Richmond – 8 – Clean sheet. Good handling in difficult conditions.

Danny Bland – 9 – MAN OF THE MATCH – Played out of position at right back but adapted well and didn’t put a foot wrong, despite refusing to ever kick the ball with his right foot.

Richard Donovan – 7 – Watches Luke, listens to Luke, wants to be Luke, will never be as good as Luke.

Luke Appleton – 9 – Has played 4 games, the Bell Inn have kept 2 clean sheets in those four games. It isn’t a coincidence.

Robbie Stone – 8 – Another good performance and a good goal. Vocal and helped marshal the defence.

Will Farrow – 8 – Didn’t see as much of the ball today but dangerous when one on one with opposition defenders.

Jack Tarrant – 8 – Despite spending the night with Brown and co in the UEA, put in a decent shift.

Simon Freemantle – 9 – Fighting for a place up front next week. It’s either him or Brown. Tough decision.

Reece Ashman – 9 – Didn’t fight.

Joe Pattison – 7 – Didn’t stamp.

Dale Simpson – 6 – So hungover.

SUBS

‘Tom Brown’ – Played 45 minutes despite a huge hangover. No rating though.

Liam Ward – 7 – Given 20 minutes at the end after a long lay off.

James Olsson – 7 – Given 15 minutes at the end after a long lay off.

Firstly, great result and a good, not great, performance.

Next week we will need to improve a bit if we are to beat Poringland in the top of the table clash.

It is going to be hard to pick a starting 11 and squad next week with everyone being available.

We only really want to take 14 players to Poringland so if you are left out, or even sub, deal with it.

Everyone has been brilliant so far this season and if we go there and win, we will be in with a very good chance for the title.

Second, a big thanks to Pips Skips who have provided us with quality tracksuit tops to go with our kit.

There is team model James Hyde modelling one himself.

Yes, he is ugly but you don’t need to look at his face, just look at the tracksuit top.

And finally, if you are not in the squad next week, please come to Poringland and watch. It’s going to be good.

Regards,

Tom ‘Just so everyone knows, come Friday, Daniel Gaskin will not have won a game of football for 13 days.’ Brown.

Brown’s Weekly Poll

Bell Inn v Sloughbottom Revolution – Preview

Title-chasing Bell Inn take on 2nd from bottom Sloughbottom this weekend as the clocks go back and players may turn up an hour early.

Ashman and Pattison’s bans haven’t come in yet so they are free to take their place in the squad after last weekend’s wrong-doings.

A.Brown, Pike and J.Farrow are missing from the squad due to work, so in come Simpson, Stone and Ward.

Ward is back after a long lay-off after finding out he had been playing with a broken leg for 6 months.

Swedish defender Olsson may also take his place on the bench after almost recovering from an injury picked up in pre-season.

SQUAD

Tom Collishaw, James Hyde, Richard Donovan, Luke Appleton, Danny Bland, Will Farrow, Jack Tarrant, Simon Freemantle, Reece Ashman, Joe Pattison, Dale Simpson, Robbie Stone, Liam Ward, Neil Anderson, James Olsson.

10.30am kick off at Barnham Broom Village Hall.

Season’s league and cup stats, upto 22/10/12.

1. CHRIS RICHMOND

Played – 4

Clean sheets – 0

Average rating – 8

2. ROBBIE STONE

Played – 3

Scored – 0

Average rating – 7.7

3. DANNY BLAND

Played – 6

Scored – 0

Average rating – 7.5

4. JACK TARRANT

Played – 6

Scored – 4

Average rating – 8.7

5. RICHARD DONOVAN

Played – 7

Scored – 0

Average rating – 7.9

6. ADAM BROWN

Played – 6

Scored – 4

Average rating – 7.8

7. REECE ASHMAN

Played – 5

Scored – 0

Average rating – 7.2

8. DALE SIMPSON

Played – 4

Scored – 7

Average rating – 9

9. SIMON FREEMANTLE

Played – 6

Scored – 7

Average rating – 8.5

10. JOE PATTISON

Played – 6

Scored – 8

Average rating – 6.8

11. JOSH FARROW

Played – 5

Scored – 6

Average rating – 7

12. LIAM WARD

Played – 2

Scored – 0

Average rating – 7

13. TOM COLLISHAW

Played – 2

Clean sheets – 1

Average rating – 8.5

14. PAUL MUNDAY

Played – 2

Scored – 0

Average rating – 7

15. WILL FARROW

Played – 6

Scored – 3

Average rating – 7.7

16. JAMES HYDE

Played – 6

Scored – 1

Average rating – 7.7

17. NEIL ANDERSON

Played – 5

Scored – 2

Average rating – 7.4

18. JAMES OLSSON

Yet to play

19. IAN BABB

Played – 1

Scored – 3

Average rating – 9

20. DANNY MOORE

Played – 2

Scored – 0

Average rating – 9

21. LUKE APPLETON

Played – 3

Scored – 0

Average rating – 9

22. TOM BROWN

Played – 1

Clean sheets – 0

Average rating – 6

23. PIKE

Played – 3

Scored – 0

Average rating – 7.7

Chaos in Barnham Broom as Bell Inn march on

The Bell Inn made it through to the 3rd round of the County Cup after four players were sent off in a fiery encounter at home to Hillside.

With the ‘Bell Inn Ultras’ led by Ashley Burton, on the sidelines, things got a bit silly in the second half with Joe Pattison and Reece Ashman receiving straight red cards.

However, the Bell Inn did manage 7 goals and a clean sheet, the latter something they have never done before in their history.

With almost the whole squad up the local university the previous night, it was a surprise everyone turned up.

Managers Tom Brown and Neil Anderson were due to start upfront, but Brown decided against it due to only an hours sleep and still being drunk.

Pattison, despite throwing up 6 times before and during the game, took Brown’s place with his brother Saggy getting a late call up to the bench.

Despite beating Hillside 14-3 on the opening day of the season, the Bell Inn started slow.

Several chances were missed but eventually the home side took the lead after a good ball by Pattison was smashed home by Will Farrow.

Will, who many vote better than his brother, has been impressive for the team this season and despite being drunk off two beers the night before, recovered in time to put in a good shift.

As for his brother Josh, we feel we may have found his best position.

Linesman.

Farrow, or Fattow as he is known by many, ran the line for 45 minutes and didn’t put a foot wrong.

We are currently in negotiations to strike a deal with the former Cromer striker to employ him as our full-time linesman.

Jack Tarrant powered home a second just before half time with yet another goal; a very impressive return this season for a defensive midfielder.

Neil Anderson came close on a few occasions, almost scoring a left footed free kick from 30 yards as well as scoring a disallowed goal and missing a couple of sitters.

Pike was making his first start for the club and looks to be a very good addition to the Bell Inn due to his ability to play just as well in any position on the pitch.

Half Time – Bell Inn 2 v 0 Hillside.

The second half saw a flurry of chances with linesman Farrow and Saggy coming off the bench.

Within seconds of the half, Farrow nodded home past the keeper with his head.

He also got flattened by the goalkeeper which delighted the home fans.

Burton lead the way on the benches we provide the fans for home games, joined by Wymondham muppet Matt Clarke and some of his Wymondham posse.

Future signing James McCloy made the long trip from Wymondham to Barnham Broom as did the Bell Inn’s star player Dale Simpson, who had been rested for the game.

He wanted a rest to spend the morning in bed with his girlfriend. The sex couldn’t have been very good/lasted very long as Simpson was at the ground by 11.30am to support the team, in his wooly hat.

Paul Donovan, Mr Freemantle, Big Phil and our new sponsor Mr ‘Pips Skips’ Hyde, and daughter, made the trip too.

Bean and Pattison added to the goal tally, Bean’s an impressive header and Pattisons a goal keeping error but even so, he celebrated heroically by running down the touch-line, high-fiving the fans.

However, things turned sour as Pattison was involved in some dirty play in the centre circle between a few players which resulted in him and one of them being sent off.

Minutes later, a similar thing happened after substitute Ashman was fouled down the wing. Again, himself and a opposion player received red cards.

This type of behaviour was poor and shall not be tolerated. Pattison has apologized and we are still waiting to hear from Ashman.

We are still waiting to hear from the FA as well, and hope their bans aren’t as bad as expected.

Ultra’s leader Burton went on to say ‘ The behaviour of some your players will get you branded ”the Leeds of Sunday League”’.

However, when the game finished I ran back to the changing rooms to check on Ashman, who was standing there furious, with a garden fork in his hands. Luckily he didn’t use it.

With the last ten minutes being played out with 9 a side, a late Saggy header and a clever dinky chip from Simon Freemantle completed the scoring as the Bell Inn, well most of them, marched on to the next round.

Final Score – Bell Inn 7 v 0 Hillside.

Scorers – W.Farrow, Tarrant, J.Farrow, Pattison, Anderson, A.Brown, Freemantle.

PLAYER RATINGS

Tom Collishaw – 9 – First game back since busting his ribs and kept a clean sheet. A very rare occurence for the Bell Inn.

James Hyde – 8 – Played a blinder in front of his father and sister.

Richard Donovan – 7 – Hungover and substituted for the first time in his career. Solid display nevertheless.

Luke Appleton 9 – MAN OF THE MATCH – Last ditch challenges, strong in the air, talked. Dominates the defence. Great signing.

Danny Bland – 7 – Didn’t have an awful lot to do as Hillside’s right-winger was awful.

Will Farrow – 9 – Few silly errors early on but was a constant threat down the wing.

Jack Tarrant – 8 – Rumour has it that his Dad is Chris Tarrant.

Simon Freemantle – 8 – Got a lot more of the ball in midfield.

Pike – 7 – Did very well to make it to the game. Impressive debut.

Neil Anderson – 4 – Could have had a double hat-trick. Scored eventually and celebrated by running straight off to be subbed.

Joe Pattison – 3 – Stupidly sent off but apologised via Facebook and via this message – ‘I would like to apologise to all my team mates, apart from Josh Farrow as he is fat and should be apologising to me, for being an eyesore.

SUBS

Reece Ashman – 2 – Stupidly sent off and shame he will now be suspended as has been in great form. Awaiting apology.

Adam Brown – 7 – Did some very strange things on the pitch today including slide tackling one of his own players.

Josh Farrow – 8 – Looked decent up front. Hates Pattison even more now.

All in all, good performance and pleased to get through to the last 32 of the cup, where we will face Unicorns Reserves.

Despite already beating them 7-1 in the league this season, they have recently drawn with our closest rivals Poringland and had a game called off against One Love for violence.

The next round will be played on the 18th of November.

The club would also like to apologise to sponsor Pips Skips and Mr Hyde himself who came to watch the game.

The Bell Inn are not known for their stupid behaviour yesterday saw and are usually a bunch of pussys. It will certainly not happen again.

I blame it on the excessive drinking the night before.

Finally, well done to Robbie Stone, who was seen live on Sky Sports Friday night at the Sheffield Wednesday v Leeds game, punching goalkeeper Chris Kirkland.

Someone else has been arrested but friends and family have confirmed that it was Leeds fan Stone who was the culprit. He is currently in hiding.

Regards,

Tom ‘ Now owns an i-phone and Blackberry because I can’ Brown.

Bell Inn win. Again.

The Bell Inn travelled to Salhouse early Sunday morning with many hangovers.

Manager Tom Brown and captain Richard Donovan had just woke up from a four-hour sleep after 17 hour drinking session starting on a coach, continuing in Newmarket, moving onto Norwich then ending up at the UEA.

Pike and Danny Bland turned up with their usual hangovers and Joe Pattison turned up red-eyed.

As for Robbie Stone, he turned up but his head was still enjoying last night’s trip.

Despite the Bell Inn losing 7-3 here last season, expert management from Brown and Bean ensured it was a different story this year as they ran out easy 6-2 winners.

It took the Bell Inn 3 minutes to take the lead, after a lovely move resulted in a Reece Ashman cross and a casual Pattison finish.

Despite constant pressure, the Bell Inn couldn’t find a second goal and went into half time at 1-0.

Changed were made with Bland and Bean coming on and Pike joining the action later.

It made a difference as the Bell Inn managed to net another 5 goals.

However, a defensive error (as usual) and a rare Chris Richmond error in goal, which he blamed on ‘being bored’, ensured the Bell Inn didn’t keep a clean sheet.

Pattison scored his second from the penalty spot, despite almost falling over on the run up.

Simon Freemantle added two to his tally for the season and Dale Simpson got over his pre-match argument with his girlfriend to score one.

The other goal came from Bean.

Although it says on the league website that he scored a 35 yarder, he didn’t. He scuffed it in for ten yards and later admitted that it wasn’t even a shot.

Final Score – Salhouse 2 v 6 Bell Inn

Finally, I would like to wish Angela Farrow a happy 50th birthday.

With her two lad’s Josh and Will playing for the club, and her husband John being a small sponsor and big supporter, as a club we would like to wish her all the best and that she is still looking very good, despite her age.

PLAYER RATINGS

Chris Richmond – 6 – Gets a lot of thinking time in goal. Also plenty of time to recover from his hangover in time for lunch.

Will Farrow –  7 – Dangerous when bursts forward.

Richard Donovan – 8 – Despite still being drunk, was solid. Potentially at fault for the goal, as usual.

Luke Appleton – 9 – Great signing for the club.

Robbie Stone – 7 – Eyes all over the place but put in a decent shift. Had a little moan but I think that is because he is overweight.

Reece Ashman – 8 – Looking forward to him joining us down the LCR on Saturday.

Jack Tarrant – 9 – Referee’s hate him, one of the dirtiest men around. But class.

Adam Brown – 7 – Slipped over a lot.

Dale Simpson – 8 – Supplied cigarettes for people.

Simon Freemantle – 9 – MAN OF THE MATCH – Gives me a headache watching his feet.

Joe Pattison 8 – With changes being made for this Sunday’s cup game, very cleverly made sure he took the kit home.

SUBS

Danny Bland – 7 – Solid as usual, drinking problems are getting worse.

Neil Anderson – 7 – First league goal of the season.

Pike – 8 – Can play anywhere and beat his opponent.

Another great performance from everyone against a decent side. They didn’t look good Sunday but that is because we made them look bad.

This week the Bell Inn are at home to Hillside Rovers in the County Cup 2nd round.

With 23 players signed on this season, changes have been made to the squad.

Adam Brown, Dale Simpson, Chris Richmond and Josh Farrow are being rested.

James Olsson, Danny Moore and Liam Ward are still recovering from injuries and Robbie Stone is away at some dirty festival.

Ian Babb can’t play for obvious reasons.

This game see’s the return of joint-manager Tom Brown to the Bell Inn’s strike force.

Brown, 26, scored 27 goals in his debut season for the Bell Inn but now gives his youngsters a chance to shine up front.

Joint-manager Bean will also be starting, as will Pike, who will be making his first start for the Bell Inn.

Tom Collishaw also makes a return in goal after smashing up his ribs.

The Bell Inn reached the County Cup final two years ago and this year are one of the favourites to win it.

Barnham Broom Playing Field, 10.30am kick off on Sunday. Come and support.

Squad:

Collishaw, Hyde, Donovan, Appleton, Bland, W.Farrow, Tarrant, Freemantle, Anderson, T.Brown, Pike, Munday, Ashman, Pattison.

Regards,

Tom ‘ will probably be this season’s top goalscorer after this game’ Brown.

 

Below is the Bell Inn club captain on Sunday morning at 3am, just hours before kick off.

 

Bell Inn issue another hiding

The Bell Inn continued their good start to the season with a 6-2 win at Salhouse.

Despite a few of the squad struggling with terrible hangovers, the Bell Inn were in control from start to finish against a club they lost 7-3 to last season.

To be honest, I have started this report and am struggling with a hangover too and really can’t continue.

I will do it tomorrow.

Regards,

Tom ‘dominate, dominate, dominate’ Brown.

Bell Inn beat rivals in epic encounter

The Bell Inn won 2-1 away at One Love United yesterday in what has to go down as the biggest win in their history.

One Love, last season’s Divison 3B champions, have been promoted with the Bell Inn the last two season’s and always have had the upper hand.

However, a magical Josh Farrow free-kick and a late Dale Simpson winner spark joyful scenes at Britannia Barracks yesterday morning.

Taking advantage of the 16 squad rule, the Bell Inn turned up early with a fully packed squad.

This does tend to be an issue though as we only have 14 kits.

Also, it was nice of Daniel Gaskin and other members of the Mulbarton Wanderers management to rest some Bell Inn players on Saturday. So a big thanks for him.

It was also nice to see my good friend Cameron ‘Mullet’ in goal for the opposition.

Joint-manager Tom Brown turned up in a suit for the occasion and looked extremely handsome (according to Richard Donovan’s mother).

Decide for yourself, but I think 10/10.

The rivalry heated up early doors as both teams had 30+ fans on the sidelines.

The referee was getting abuse every few minutes from both teams for not giving fouls.

One Love were flying in at every opportunity but unfortunately they didn’t manage to wind up the more mature, sensible Bell Inn.

With 25 minutes on the clock, Josh Farrow shaped up 30 yards out with a free kick.

He hit it with perfection and it bulleted into the bottom corner, giving the Bell Inn a deserved 1-0 lead.

Shortly after, one of our uglier players Danny Moore got even uglier, as he received a flying elbow from a One Love player.

Before and after….

One Love started to play some decent football towards the end of the half, as Will Farrow came off the bench and flew in two-footed within a minute of being on the pitch. He was rightfully booked. And clapped by the management.

Keeper Chris Richmond made some decent saves as the defence had a few wobbly moments. At one point a cross came in and it nutmeg Richard Donovan and Robbie Stone before it was eventually cleared.

Dale Simpson was causing chaos upfront and was getting fouled every few minutes. Mulbarton Wanderers manager Daniel Gaskin was in the crowd and was begging for Brown to bring Simpson off. Gaskin was told to simply move out-of-the-way and go home.

Half Time – One Love 0 v 1 Bell Inn.

A serious half time talk was given for once as tactics were explained in detail and errors were pointed out and acted upon.

Luke Appleton came on for his debut as the Bell Inn tried to see out the half and try to grab a second.

With 20 minutes to go, the hopes of a clean sheet disappeared as the One Love winger out-paced us down the wing and fire a ball across the goal mouth at 200mph. It hit one of their players in the stomach and went in. Wild celebrations emerged.

However, the Bell Inn didn’t drop their heads as managers Brown and Anderson looked for a way to win the game from the sidelines. Despite Anderson’s requests to bring himself on to win it, they pushed Simpson back up front.

And it worked.

Simpson found himself through one-on-one with the goalkeeper but he and the keeper were knocked out cold for a few moments after colliding. Whilst down, Pattison picked up the ball and hit it into the top corner from 40 yards, only for it to be ruled out due to ‘head injuries’.

Simpson was dizzy but came back on as the crowd chanted his name.

With 10 minutes to go, a long ball through by Josh Farrow found Simpson one-on-one with the keeper and he cooly slide it into the bottom corner.

The Bell Inn erupted, as the managers ran onto the pitch to celebrate with Simpson and the rest of the team. It was a good moment.

Ten minutes to play and it was obvious One Love were going to throw everything at us. They did, but superb goalkeeping from Richmond on a few occasions prevented them getting level again.

The Bell Inn finally beat One Love after two years of trying.

#thankfuck

Final Score – One Love 1 – 2 Bell Inn.

(Farrow 25, Ronaldo 70, Simpson 81)

Chris Richmond – 10 – His best display in a Bell Inn shirt. Made save after save when it looked easier to score.

James Hyde – 8 – Up against One Love’s best player for most of the game. Stayed disciplined.

Richard Donovan – 9 – Despite suffering from man flu and almost calling off, the skipper held the defence together.

Robbie Stone – 8 – Carried on from his impressive display last week as his girlfriend watched from the sidelines.

Danny Bland – 9 – Back to his best.

Neil Anderson – 8 – Great manager, shit player.

Jack Tarrant – 9 – Tries to break legs.

Adam Brown – 8 – Did what he always does, kept it simple and sat deep.

Josh Farrow – 9 – Improvement from previous weeks. Looking forward to reading his blog this week.

Simon Freemantle – 8 – Bit quieter than normal but some of his skills were silly-good.

Dale Simpson – 10 – Close contender for man of the match. One Love simply couldn’t handle him.

SUBS

Will Farrow – 8 – Should have seen red early on. Had to take him off due to his booking.

Danny Moore – 10 – Nice nose. Took one for the team.

Joe Pattison – 8 – Good job their defender didn’t hear what he said to him.

Reece Ashman – 8 – Pace caused serious problems.

Luke Appleton – 9 – Class defender.

Great to see the fans turn up in full force.

Nice to see Rob Bingham and Ben Hall make a rare appearance. Hall was sporting leather gloves which made his look very gay. Bingham just looked gay in general.

Many of the MWFC posse showed their faces, including George Thomas Gaskin who said his first words yesterday. They weren’t Daddy. They were ‘Bell Inn’.

Robbie’s WAG came, cheered and chain-smoked. And I got her number. Result.

It was a great day for the Bell Inn as Brown and Anderson are expected to pick up September’s manager of the month award in the next few days.

No game next week so we will be going out to celebrate Danny Bland’s birthday.

Kind regards.

Tom ‘ 13 hours without a cigarette. I can do this’ Brown.