Breaking News… To be revealed in the next 48 hours.

With the January transfer window closing in just over 24 hours time, the Bell Inn have been busy at work.

But probably not busy in the way you think.

In the next 48 hours, a couple of huge stories will be hitting the headlines.

Keep the eyes pealed.

Also, Sunday’s match report will be unleashed, this week written by ‘goal-shy’ striker Joe Pattison.

Enjoy deadline day.

Messi to Arsenal.

Regards,

Tom ‘this season I have attemped ONE header and ONE tackle and got injured on both occasions. nuff said’ Brown.

Taverham 2 v 4 Bell Inn

By Richard Donovan, edited by no-one so mistakes my be present.

The Bell Inn registered a 2nd win on the bounce to equal their best run of form this season. Yet again this coincided with the absence of ‘king’ Brown with many questioning if Brown will ever represent the team again.

The game itself saw the return of Dale Simpson and it was his strong run and unique ability to appear to have no control of the ball yet still beat every player in his path resulting in a penalty to the Bell Inn. With usual pen takers Tom Brown and Stu Henning absent Josh Farrow step up and confidently dispatched the spot kick. It was Farrow again who doubled the lead after good pressure from the Bell Inn front line resulted in the Taverham keeper miskicking his clearance which Farrow smartly finished with a delicate half volley lob. The Bell Inn then found themselves 3-0 up after a Farrow corner was headed in by an unmarked Donovan (who is now just one behind Tom Brown and has a far better goals to game ratio than Pattison who is 49 goals behind schedule!)

The lead was reduced by taverham after some typical comical defending from the Bell Inn. The 3 goal lead was however restored by Neil Anderson who had a free run on goal after a great ball from Jack (I think). Bean showed his composure and confidence by choosing to slot the ball through the goalkeepers legs. The final goal of the game was dispatched after a great through ball by Robbie Stone – unfortunately this was to the Taverham striker who made it 4-2.

Amazingly, the Bell Inn hang on to a 4-2 win after a more committed performance all round. This saw Jack pick up his 1st yellow which is impressive with some of the challenges he puts in. The same can not be said about Bean who looked scared every time he had to go into a 50/50 and at one point we thought he was going to cry when he bottled a challenge. (to be fair he did play well though)

A much better performance by the Bell Inn with the team actually passing to each other and getting stuck in. It was also good to have 3 subs (potentially a 1st for the club) and these included Babb, Splading and Luke so a very strong bench which should prove handy with 2 big games coming up against Salhouse and One Love (goals goals goals)

Ratings

Tom – 7 – Another good performance from the big man

Robbie – 7 – Better at left back, great ball for final goal

Donovan – 7 – Average but another goal (wasted at the back)

Munday – 8 – has made a difference since his return

Liam – 8 – same as above

Reece – STAR MAN – 9 – Good going forward and at the back

Dale – 9 – Won heads and great on the ball

Jack – 8- Disgusting challenges but solid throughout

Bean – 8 – Good all round performance and scored

Patti- 8- Linked up well with the midfield and actually passed!

Farrow – 8 – great game, 2 goals but injured by Donovan

Luke – 7 – Looked good but missed from 3 yards

Babb- 7 – Ran alot (standard)

Spalding – 7 -Great when on the ball but looked knackered after one run

Brown -10 – Absence appreciated by all

Bell Inn win but struggle without 3 key players.

The Bell Inn sneaked their first win of 2012 thanks to a 3-2 win away to DEFC.

DEFC, the only deaf team to play in Norfolk, obviously did HEAR the rumours that Stu Henning, Robbie Stone and Tom Brown were absent and turned up to the game 99% sure of victory.

This however did not come about. Forever AWOL Ben Spalding was also missing, as was Josh EAR. Even so, DEFC managed to lose to arguably the team with the poorest form in Norfolk.

The goals came from Jack Tarrant, Neil ‘Bean’ Anderson and Joe Pattison.

Pattison, who joined the Bell Inn promising 50 goals a season, scored his first for the club in 4 games. He now has a 1/4 goal to game ratio, which is on par with Bean and worse than centre back Richard Donovan.

Whilst laying in my bed, receiving phone calls from various members of the squad, 11 of them decided to turn up. This meant manager Ian Babb didn’t have to drop anyone.

However, after the match, from an anonymous source, it was said how better the Bell Inn would have done with Henning, Stone and Brown in the squad.

Apparently the Bell Inn lacked ‘magical crosses from the right’, ‘a solid man at the back’ and a ‘natural-born goalscorer’. One source even commented that the Bell Inn would have scored double figures and kept a clean sheet if these three ‘stars’ had been present.

But without them, the Bell Inn somehow marched on and won. So well done. It was much-needed.

Not being at the match means I cannot do ratings, so I left that job to Joe ‘scores 1 in 4 in Sunday League’ Pattison.

(Please excuse his spelling and grammer)

Goalkeeper Tom – 7

Saggy 4 – should not play when hungover

Donovan 7 – solid

The other centre half – Solid

Left back 7 – likes a tackle

Bean 6 – was on for a 8 in the first half goal and an assist

Jack 7 – did joshes running and tackling

Josh 6 – would of been a 7 but someone suplexed him..

Reece 6 – good work rate

Babbs 7 – worked hard used his pace.. Pattisons preferred strike partner.

Pattison 7 – First half was good.. Second half lazy.. scored a header Heskey would of been proud of.

Pattison also added, controversally:

“I would like to say what an honour it was to get my first bell inn goal.. It took 4 games which is shocking but I plan to be bell inn top scorer by the end of the season.

I would also like to say well done to the manager the players and the fans for this long-awaited, well deserved win.

The reason we won, is because awful Robbie wasn’t playing at the back giving the other team goals like they were big issues.

And also because Brown did not play, so the team did not have to alter to formation to accommodate him.”

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Finally, I would like to add that none of the above I agree with. Myself and Stone are loyal members of the Bell Inn and are two of the best players. Pattison is getting a good kick in next time I see him.

And very finally, it is great to have Paul Munday back at the club. As a friend I love him, as a player I don’t like him as much because he isn’t very good. But all the same, well done Munday.

Regards,

Tom ‘laying in bed beats playing for The Bell Inn’ Brown.

Bell Inn are yesterdays news

Quick summary of the game today as it was a complete shambles.

Being Danny Bland’s last game for the club this season would have surely inspired everyone to win it for him. It didn’t.

The Bell Inn were all sober but still went 1-0 down after awful defending.

Richard Donovan leveled the scoring with a bullet header.

Gordon PH, potentially one of the worst teams in Sunday football, scored a winner 5 minutes from time.

They celebrated their win at the end, which really sums up how pathetic the Bell Inn were this morning.

Even more amazingly, Kris Lane attempted three shots today. His first shots of the season. Two were blocked and one went four metres wide.

Neil Anderson also confirmed that he is better in goal than he is outfield. Video’s of his saves can be seen on Facebook.

I would have rated everyone 0/10, but instead my right-hand man Joe Pattison has done today’s ratings.

They are as follows:

N. Anderson – 7

S. Henning – 5

R. Donovan – 7

R. Stone – 0.5

D. Bland – 6

J. Tarrant – 6

D. Simpson – 7

J. Farrow – 4

R. Ashman – 6

T. Brown – 5

J. Pattison – 8 – STAR MAN

SUBS

Andrew Stone (K. Lane) – 5

I. Babb – 5

L. Ward – No rating.

In other news. captain R. Donovan has been on the case since full-time and made approaches for Ian Robinson, Luke Appleton, Luke Rackham and James Pipe.

Also, he has single-handedly tried to sack player-manager I. Babb and attempted to bring in England’s fattest man as the new manager, Tom Harvey.

Next week could see a much changed squad as rumour has it of at least 4 players quitting the club today.

Personally, I don’t care.

I am good looking, I can have almost any girl I want, I am good at football when I want to be and whether I play well for the Bell Inn or not doesn’t have a major impact on my life.

Thanks for your time.

Regards,

Tom ‘I really need to be playing at a higher standard than players such as Bean and Kris Lane, I am wasting my talent’ Brown.