Bell Inn title party delayed until after Easter

The Bell Inn lost at home for the first time in nearly a year after a 2-1 defeat to rivals Poringland.

The yellows knew that a win today would guarantee them the Division 2B title and their first ever bit of silverware.

However, this didn’t happen.

With heavy snow falling all day Saturday, the game was in doubt early doors.

Will Farrow and James Hyde took it upon themselves to travel to Barnham Broom at 8am this morning to clear the snow off the pitch, and it worked.

Disappointing scenes however before the game as 3 regulars failed to turn up and neither did joint-manager Neil Anderson, who was suffering from man flu.

Tom Brown did turn up (for once) but decided not to get changed due to only finishing work at 5am and it being far too cold.

Despite being 45 minutes late, Brown entered the changing rooms to find Jamie Butler asleep on a bench. He was soon woken up as the changing room stereo was put on full blast with many of the players singing and dancing along to the music.

This left the Bell Inn with just 12 players, which in the dangerous conditions, was always going to be a risk.

Dale Simpson started on the bench as Brown introduced a ‘sub every 15 minutes’ policy to ensure no one got frost bite.

The start was cagey and the fans started to turn up, expecting a party in the pub afterwards.

The Hyde’s were once again in attendance and must all be thinking why on earth is James starting and none of them have had a call up.

The Appleton’s were in tow; Lawrence with a video camera to film the whole 90 minutes and Pud in her Mulbarton Wanderers scarf.

Johnny Page made his regular outing sporting a can of Red Bull, claiming it was too early to be awake.

The regulars also braved the weather, led by Big Phil.

Even Jim Dyson and Nick MacKenzie made the trip, albeit 40 minutes late.

But all were disappointed after 20 minutes as Poringland smashed a curling effort past Chris Richmond in the Bell Inn goal.

Despite going behind, the Bell Inn battled back and were unlucky not to be level at half time.

Actually, forget that, no we weren’t. We were shit.

Half time – Bell Inn 0 v 1 Poringland

A nice, cosy chat inside the bowling hut was very enjoyable at half time as the players crowded around the electric heater to warm up.

The second half saw the Bell Inn start to take control and after 60 minutes, Joe Pattison thought he had leveled with a sublimed right foot hook over the keepers head.

However, the goal was not given. I am not going to comment on this incident because I like Poringland but check out the picture below.

Brown then did the dreaded act and decided to play his favourite, but everyone elses most hated formation, of ‘three at the back’.

The now motivated  Bell Inn’s constant pressure finally paid off as top scorer Dale Simpson pounced on a defensive mistake to level the scores.

Wild celebrations similar to that seen against One Love earlier in the season were seen performed by players, fans and the manager.

The Bell Inn wanted more and pushed for a winner.

Luke Appleton came close to scoring his first goal for the club as his header smashed off the bar. The impressive Josh Farrow also came close on several occasions from distance.

However, with the game destined to finish in a draw, a late long range shot by the opposition wasn’t clear and fell to their on-rushing striker to give Poringland the win.

It was a top game in horrible conditions and well done Poringland for fighting right up until the end.

From what I have seen, you are by far the second best team in the league (behind us, obviously) and I hope you get promoted with us.

Final score – Bell Inn 1 v 2 Poringland

(Simpson)

PLAYER RATINGS

Chris Richmond – 6 – Difficult conditions to keep goal in.

James Hyde – 7 – May ask his Dad to play for us next time instead.

Jamie Butler – 8 – Noticed today that his running style is very strange.

Richard Donovan – 7 – First game as a 28 year old.

Luke Appleton – 9 – MAN OF THE MATCH – Absolute solid at the back and distribution to the attackers was class.

Will Farrow – 9 – Superb in the second half, left back couldn’t deal with him.

Jack Tarrant – 8 – Got very muddy. Spent 80 minutes of the game on the floor.

Adam Brown – 7 – Needs a haircut ASAP.

Reece Ashman – 7 – Found out today that he once drank his mates vomit for a dare.

Josh Farrow – 9 – May be making himself a late contender for Player of the Season.

Joe Pattison – 8 – Scored a glorious goal which was ruled out. Back on form.

SUB

Dale Simpson – 8 – Almost the hero. Brilliant again.

Finally just a few things.

Not that impressed with the 3 no-shows today. Were left with just 12 players and with a cup final coming up and us having to trim the squad down to 14 players for that, no-showing is not ideal.

However, I understand Robbie Stone and Liam Ward were probably still drunk and Simon Freemantle didn’t want to take a battering from the Mulbarton boys after losing to them yesterday.

Also, in an after-match chat, it emerged that James Hyde’s sister Georgia was seen crying at the final whistle after the shock result.

Her mother was also seen crying as Bell Inn heart-throb Jamie Butler didn’t take his top off at the end to reveal his pecks.

A big thanks to Will Farrow and James Hyde for sorting the pitch out at the start of the match. Without you two, we would not have had a game today. Which is probably a good thing because then we wouldn’t have lost.

Seriously though, acts like these are what we need from players. The management and Donovan have to do a lot of crap and this helps a lot. We are a TEAM.

Plus, it got you both a place in the starting 11. I had planned to have you both on the bench and play with 10 players.

Finally, cheers John and Angela Farrow for providing the buffet. Wasn’t expecting it to be as big as this so thanks.

And obviously Big Phil for being a god as usual.

Kind regards,

Tom ‘I am with the Poringland linesman, I don’t think it was in’ Brown.

Who is better looking?

Bell Inn secure promotion to Division 1B

Written by James Hyde

This week The Bell Inn entertained 4th place Ribs Rovers hoping to clinch promotion with still 5 games remaining. Although 75% of their players have a full head of grey hair they had already out played us in our first encounter this season, with the Bell Inn coming out on the wrong end of a 4-1 scoreline. In our defence I think a hurricane had hit Norfolk for this game and quite frankly looking good is our No.1 priority.

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In true Bell Inn style we had only 7 players just 20 minutes before kick off! There was also no Pre match warm up, no team talk and no organisation. Standard routine then. A late call off from one of the squad was also inevitable, this week it was the turn of club comedian Robbie Stone who was tweeting at 4:30am saying ‘I’m not playing, if I’m needed call me! If not I will be at my friends party.’ Great dedication to the club however not exactly a massive loss anyway.

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Down to business then and with The Bell Inn sitting comfortably at the top of the table, managers Brown and Bean decided to mix it up a little! Instead of the usual 4-4-2 that’s worked so well for us for most of the season we started the game with a 3-5-2 formation with in form Brown and Dale Simpson up top. For the first half an hour both teams seemed pretty evenly matched despite The Bell Inn creating a couple of good chances which Simpson could not convert, although one of which would have been on target had he been aiming for the corner flag!

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It took a superbly struck Beckham like free kick from player/manager Tom Brown to break the deadlock and put The Bell Inn one up shortly before half time. Moments before Brown stepped up to take the kick Hyde and Saggy were discussing which corner flag the ball was more likely to end up rolling towards!!! So credit where credit is due, great goal. From here on the game started to liven up with drama taking place as the Ribs LB made an absolutely awful challenge on Reece Ashman and was very lucky to escape a red card as well as a right hook from Reece! Rovers did come close to making it 1-1 just before half time with a header that Donovan claimed to of cleared off the line. Looked like he was standing 2 yards clear of the goal mouth to me.

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Half Time: Bell Inn 1 – 0 Ribs Rovers

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After a Half time talk where Tom Brown was howling his eyes out after his experiment with the 3-5-2 formation saw us net just the one goal both managers could no longer wait to bring on star player James Hyde after his 2 week absence away from the club. Shortly after Chinese international Will Farrow was introduced to the RHS to play in front of the frightfully talented RB and as usual the two linked up very well. The couple are rumoured to be the new Ant and Dec replacements after there recent winter break away together in Andorra.

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The second half saw a much improved style of play for The Bell Inn in which they dominated for large periods of the half. Goal No.2 came after an inch perfect corner delivered by Josh Farrow was connected by Dale Simpson who headed sweetly into the bottom corner. Thank god Dale met the ball and not Donovan as I don’t think the team can handle his heading inability any longer. #donovanout.

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2 soon became 3 when that godly left foot of J.Farrow blasted the ball into the back of the net after some nice play down the LHS of the pitch in the build up. Unlike his younger brother Will who’s theory is hit them as hard as possibly and hope for the best, Josh seems to be able to hit them hard and with good accuracy! Reece Ashman rounded the game off with a 4th which yet again was an awesome strike after cutting inside from the left and blasting home from the edge of the penalty area.

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Full Time: Bell Inn 4 – 0 Ribs Rovers

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Credit to Ribs Rovers for giving us a good game and putting pressure on us right up to the final whistle, also credit to Tom Brown for turning up this week. Seeing as he is on his final warning at the club hopefully he bales on us once more so we are given the satisfaction of sacking him. But yet another solid victory for The Bell Inn securing us with a place in division 1B next season. Only 5 games remaining for the this season but a win at poringland next week should be enough to crown us the champions of 2B!!!

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Some thoughts of club sponsors Pips Skips.

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Phillip Hyde: ‘I was very impressed with this week’s performance and every goal was very well worked apart from that free kick which was a little flukey. cant wait for the cup final game if the result goes our way ill be looking forward to joining you all for a few drinks on me.’

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Sadly Kerry won’t be attending as a strip club is on the cards!

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Kerry Hyde: ‘I was slightly concerned that when we arrived we had turned up to a boxing match. I thought I may of had to intervene with a handbag round the head to one of their players. Thoroughly enjoyed the game though boys.’

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Georgia Hyde: ‘Glad Tom Brown didn’t wear his snap back this week. Slightly embarrassed my mum was dribbling at Pikes body. Pike 10/10 on the abs. Shame my brother isn’t quite there yet bless him.’

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Player Ratings:

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Richmond 8 – As usual didn’t have a huge amount to do but had a great kick on him yesterday.

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Appleton 9 – Man of the match, does this guy ever put a foot wrong?! It’s getting very annoying.

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Donovan 6 – Relies on Luke to make him look better than he actually is.

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Butler 9 – Joint man of the match, would of been MOM on his own had he not taken his top off in front of my sister.

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J.Farrow 8 – Was heading for a 4/10 in the first half, did well to make up for it.

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Saggy 7 – Seen him play better but by no means on the same level as Donovan.

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Tarrant 7 – Kept passing to the other team?!

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Pattison 8 – Actually played some nice football.

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Ashman 7.5 – Only scores good goals.

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Brown 6 – Didn’t realise he was playing until he scored the free kick.

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Simpson 7.5 – Could do with a hearing aid sometimes.

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Subs:

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Hyde 10 – changed the game single handedly.

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W.Farrow 7 – Likes attacking, hates defending. Left his man on numerous occasions.

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Ward 6 – Was very hungover. Did well to turn up in all fairness.

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Stone 5 – Giving him a 5 as he done us a favour by not turning up.

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King regards, James ‘Wenger Out’ Hyde.

Bell inn close in on title

By Joe Pattison

The Bell inn edged closer to division 2b title when they won 6-3 at ‘DEAF FC’. After last weeks cup semi final win, many thought that the same 11 would be kept as it was a good performance had by all. However Neil Anderson thought it would be a good idea to start up front and leave Adam Brown and Joe Pattison on the bench, I know you can’t believe it, right? Im being deadly serious however.

After an abject first half and pretty dire in most cases, we found ourselves drawing 1-1 after a trademark Dale Simpson Richochet Goal, where he turned the defenders got a few fortunate bounces off his calves and knee, fell perfectly at his feet when he should of passed to the unmarked freemantle and dispatched the ball into the bottom corner of the net.

At the halfway point, Brown and Pattison were introduced, and some may say, it was then game over from here on in.

The Bell inn quickly took the lead and the response from the two substitutes was immediate, A perfect Pattison corner onto the head of Brown who from 2 yards out hit the post (somehow) the ball fell to Richard Donovan, the ball was at an awkward height and he acrobatically bicycle kicked the ball into the roof of the net, this marked the players first goal of the season and was quite frankly long overdue. It was bugging me how many chances he could continually miss and continue to not get dropped, yet alone retain the captaincy.

Subsitute Brown then won a penalty after recording 5 cruyff turns in a row, dumbfounding the scottish internation Jonny Holtz. Fattow dispatched the penalty accordingly. He is a god.

Pattison then turned provider again after receiving a lofted pass from Saggy, turned on a sixpence and laid a perfectly weighted through ball into the path of Tarrant, the ball was so good that Tarrant had so much time in front of goal to lift the ball over the oncoming keeper, this goal was a great team goal and a joy to behold.

Reece Ashman then scored goal of the season from 40 yards which was so powerful the keeper could not get a firm hand behind it, a great goal, one reece will be truly proud of.

Robbie scored his trademark ‘worldy’ freekick which bent into the top corner from the trusted left foot. Just from the edge of the area.

The Bell inn went on to concede a couple of sloppy goals. One a worldy. I think both goals were errors of Donovan, which shouldnt really surprise any of you. I wasnt surprised one bit.

Lastly, i think i should mention that Tom AVBrown did not turn up to the game, and left all the responsibility to Bean. Very selfish act from the ‘Manager’ and setting a very bad example to his players. Brown was reported to be still at the UEA Halls, Indecently exposing himself to Morally Upstanding students. He is building up the amount of warnings. He surely cannot have Long left at the club. But to be fair, he is only celebrating his fine form that he has discovered in Crown Fire Division 2 Netting 12 in 3. Some describing his performances as “unplayable”

Player Ratings

Richmond 8 – Didnt have much to do but pulled off a wonder save

Liam 7 – Got past his marker on numerous occasions

Donovan 5 – At Fault for 2/3 of the goals, the fact he scored i do not care.

Blandy 7 – Hanging

Robbie – 10 ” Kick his ass Seabass”

Kye 7 – Angry

Tarrant 8 – Played in Midfield by himself at times.

Reece 7 – Scored a Peach

Dale 7 – Greedy

Fattow 8 – Played Very well.

Bean 7 – Wanted to play, Puts in alot of effort behind the scenes, Justified.

Subs

Saggy – 8 Changed the game

Pattison – 8 Changed the Game.