Bell Inn 6 v 1 Unicorns

The Bell Inn carried on their good run of form with a fairly comfortable win at home to Unicorns.

With many players away, injured and working this weekend, the table-toppers were low on numbers which meant rare starts for Player Manager’s Tom Brown and Neil Anderson.

Anthony Howell, our new goalkeeper, turned up at 8am to put the nets up all by himself which was very nice of him. He is so tall he doesn’t even need a ladder. This impressed a lot of the players.

Most of the squad was sober this week and were on time which was pleasing to see.

The Bell Inn started brightly on a very soggy pitch and took the lead through goal machine Jack Tarrant after a neat through ball from Anderson.

Shortly after it was 2-0 after a precise Brown corner found the head of make-shift right back Joe Pattison to head home.

The exact thing happened 5 minutes later but Pattison was ruled to have shoved the player and the goal was ruled out. To be honest, he probably did.

Brown was unlucky not to score as his 30 yard free kick was tipped wide and Anderson hit the side netting after a dazzling (lucky) run down the left.

Dale Simpson made it 3-0 as an Anderson through ball set him free. Simpson, who usually just punts the ball as hard as he can, decided to be more delicate this time and rounded the keeper to tap home.

Jamie Butler and Marc Garrod weren’t being troubled in defence as the Bell Inn tried to keep the ball on the floor and play some decent football.

Luke Appleton made it 4 with his 2nd goal in as many weeks as Brown faked a shot from a free kick and put Appleton through on goal to power home.

Half Time  – Bell Inn 4 v 0 Unicorns

Anderson brought himself off at half time as he was simply outplaying the Unicorns right back and it was getting a bit embarrassing. On came Ashman. Who instantly missed a sitter from 8 yards.

The second half became a bit sloppy, mainly due to the state of the pitch but the Bell Inn still managed two more goals.

The first, a trademark Brown finish when put through one on one with the keeper.

The second, a trademark Simpson ricochet run which he powered home at the near post.

As usual, the Bell Inn felt they had to let the opposition score and that they did with just 10 minutes remaining.

Final Score – Bell Inn 6 v 1 Unicorns

(Dale Simpson 2, Tom Brown, Luke Appleton, Joe Pattison, Jack Tarrant)

PLAYER RATINGS

Anthony Howell – 8 – Probably his best game for the Bell Inn so far.

Joe Pattison – 8 – Didn’t put a foot wrong in his new position at right back.

Marc Garrod – 8 – His usual solid self.

Jamie Butler – 8 – Looked as white as a sheep come full time.

Luke Appleton – 7 – Wish he would play every week.

Liam Ward – 7 – Few dodgy mis kicks but linked up well going forward and did the defensive work required.

Jack Tarrant – 8 – Absolute goal machine at the moment.

Josh Farrow – 8 – Dangerous through balls to the strikers.

Neil Anderson – 10 – MOM – Despite still being our worst player, played the best he ever has in his life.

Tom Brown – 7 – Scored.

Dale Simpson – 9 – Really don’t understand how the ball sticks to his feet all the time.

SUBS

Reece Ashman – 7 – Missed a few chances but played well.

Ben Fisher – 6 – 15 minute cameo role, almost set up a goal.

Impressive first half display which did slack a bit in the second but that happens when you are cruising.

Pleased how we had so many players unavailable this week but can still put out a very good team.

Even more impressively, 5 of the 6 goals were either scored or set up by the managing duo. How embarrassing for the opposition.

11 games gone, 9 to go. Top of the league. Getting closer to the Premier Divison every week.

Next week we travel to Sprowston Rovers, my first club, for the League Cup.

Should be a hard game as they beat Doghouse 1-0 today but with a fully fit and available squad, we can beat anyone. Even Tottenham.

Kind Regards.

Tom ‘2 games in senior football, 2 goals. Back to Crown and Fire Div 3 on Saturday’ Brown.

Spixworth Reserves 1 v 9 Bell Inn

The Bell Inn visited bottom side Spixworth Reserves on a cold morning expecting a decent performance and win.

I however, was very hungover and there was no chance of me playing. I struggled to watch a lot of the match due to this and spent most the time talking to our supporters.

Pre match, first half linesman Joe Pattison was asked by the referee to be his ‘rent boy’ I have no idea why but I think Pattison agreed and is meeting him Wednesday evening to discuss terms.

From what I can remember, Dale Simpson gave us the lead and went on to score a hat trick. He also missed about 8 sitters.

After Simpson’s opener, Spixworth made it 1-1 after a free kick found its way past Ant Howell in goal.

The first 30 minutes were tight with Spixworth putting across a good account of themselves considering they have no points yet this season.

But as soon as the Bell Inn scored a couple more, they began to dominate and went on to win 9-1.

Picked of the goals has to be Neil Anderson’s. Despite starting the game and coming off after 20 minutes due to exhaustion, came back on for the last 10 and opened his account for the season with a mis-hit shot which somehow found it’s way into the back of the net after some awful goalkeeping.

David Munro made the long flight from Scandinavia to make his Bell Inn debut as a half time substitute and hasn’t lost his touch, scoring two goals.

One, however, was blasted at him from 5 yards by Josh Farrow, deflected off him into the goal, giving him a dead leg at the same time.

In all honesty, it could have been 20-1 but some poor finishing and selfish play meant the score stayed at 9.

And to be honest, I don’t mind selfish play when we are cruising.

The previous night was a heavy one with Neil Anderson getting kicked out of Vodka Revs after a member of staff complained about him.

From what I saw, Anderson sneaked up behind this girl and covered her eyes shouting ‘Guess who, guess who?’

Despite laughing, the girl was obviously not impressed and on her return to the bar, told the manager of Anderson’s actions and we all had to leave.

Robbie Stone had to abandon his night out as at 8pm he remembered that he had the kit and hadn’t washed it. Fair play to Robbie for staying in. Very unlike him. He was awarded a place in the starting 11 for his actions.

Next week we play Spixworth again, this time at home, knowing that a win will take us top of the league.

Final score – Spixworth Reserves 1 v 9 Bell Inn

(D.Simpson 3, D.Munro 2, J.Farrow, J.Tarrant, N.Anderson, J. Pattison)

PLAYER RATINGS

Ant Howell – 6 – Soft goal to concede in a game where he didn’t have a lot to do.

Jamie Butler – 7 – Can’t remember him doing much apart from asking to go up front.

Danny Bland – 8 – MAN OF THE MATCH – Solid with some good slide tackles.

Robbie Stone – 7 – A very funny boy. Played okay too.

Liam Ward – 7 – Good last ditch tackle to save a certain goal.

Jack Tarrant – 8 – Standard good performance from the world’s worst Rock, Paper, Scissors player.

Marc Garrod – 8 – Nice and simple. His experience is a big bonus for us.

James McCloy – 7 – Didn’t get out of gear 1. Far too easy for him.

Josh Farrow – 7 – Same as McCloy.

Dale Simpson – 7 – Lively up front but some very, very dodgy finishing.

Neil Anderson – 10 – Scored.

SUBS

Joe Pattison – 7 – Same as Farrow and McCloy.

David Munro – 8 – Impressive considering he hasn’t kicked a ball for years.

Adam Brown – 6 – Only played 15 minutes. Given a well deserved rest after a great start to the season.

Manager ratings – Brown and Anderson – 10 – Still unbeaten as a duo in the league since taking over.

Regards,

Tom ‘ still hungover’ Brown

Bell Inn record biggest win of the season

The Bell Inn travelled to a windy Sloughbottom Park and put 7 goals past Ribs Rovers without reply.

With 6 regulars missing, managers Tom Brown and Neil Anderson made the squad against the side who gained promotion with us last season.

With only a few hungover players, the Bell Inn looked fresher than usual and the banter in the changing room was very good.

This was then ruined as Reece Ashman decided to pull his black toe nail completely off his toe and throw it at people, resulting in many players gagging.

The Bell Inn took control from kick off and it wasn’t long before Josh Farrow gave the away side the lead with a bullet free kick.

Tom Brown, number 9, then attempted a 30 yard lob-volley which would have been the best goal ever seen on Sloughbottom Park, but was superbly saved by the Ribs keeper.

Dale Simpson made it two with an unrealistically well placed shot into the top corner. Minutes later he smashed against the bar when one-on-one with the keeper in which was quite simply an embarrassing effort.

The Bell Inn’s all time top scorer T.Brown then netted his first senior goal in his first start of the season, cleverly putting the Ribs right back on his a*s and placing an Henry like finish into the bottom corner.

3 soon became 4 as ‘central attacking midfielder’ Adam Brown kept up his impressive Bell Inn goal scoring record, tapping in on the line from another dangerous Farrow free kick.

Liam Ward obviously decided he wanted to get on the match report and as he has NO chance of scoring a goal, lunged in two footed on the Ribs left winger to earn himself a yellow card. It could have been red.

T.Brown was then called a ‘parrot head’ by the opposition manager for shouting at the referee’s decision.

Simpson made it 5, this time deciding to round the keeper and tap home rather than smash the ball full blast with his eyes shut.

Half Time – Ribs Rovers 0 v 5 Bell Inn

Usually AWOL Robbie Stone came on for Danny Bland at the break as the Bell Inn went in search of more goals.

Despite remaining solid at the back, the domination going forward seemed to wear off as the Bell Inn only managed to add 2 more goals to their tally.

The first, an own goal from 40 yards. How and why their defender decided to smashed the ball at his own keeper as hard as he could from there is still a mystery. But it was a great finish. Probably the best goal of the game.

The final goal came from Ashman, who made a traditional run down the right wing and his attempted cross looped over the keeper and into the net.

The last two goals I have seen Ashman score have been attempted crosses. This is worrying.

Neil Anderson came on for Simpson (who are of a very similar standard) for the last 15 minutes and went close with a curling free kick. He also ran about a lot with his very funny run.

Final Score – Ribs Rovers 0 v 7 Bell Inn

PLAYER RATINGS

Anthony Howell – 7 – Didn’t have a lot to do but when called upon, was solid. Good vocally too.

Liam Ward – 7 – Apart from the dirty foul, was solid and joined in on attacks.

Marc Garrod – 9 – MAN OF MATCH – Composed, holds the defence together. A good replacement for Richard Donovan. Although I still aim to get Donovan back at some point.

Danny Bland – 8 – In his preferred centre back role. Very comfortable.

Danny Moore – 7 – Joined in going forward and has very good banter. A good addition to the squad.

Reece Ashman – 7 – Spells of brilliance, destroyed the left back many times.

Adam Brown – 7 – Got his standard goal, linked up well with the strikers.

Jack Tarrant – 9 – Back to his best. Not going to give him Man of the Match though as he slated ABC Taxis the other week.

Josh Farrow – 8 – Set pieces are very dangerous. Impressive goalscoring record.

Tom Brown – 7 – Wanted just one goal, got it.

Dale Simpson – 8 – Scares defenders. We wouldn’t be the same without him.

SUBS

Robbie Stone – 8 – Impressed in his first performance in defence this season.

Neil Anderson – 10 – Makes me laugh watching him ‘try’ to play football.

A very good performance despite Ribs Rovers not being as good as they were when we played them last year.

To have 6 of your main players missing and to still win so comfortably shows how good our squad depth is this season and I believe we have a real chance of promotion.

Also, was pleased to end the game with 4 of the players on the pitch who were at the Bell Inn from day one in the days of Divison 4B. Good work Liam Ward, Reece Ashman, Robbie Stone and myself.

We take on bottom side Spixworth for 2 weeks on the trot now and will be hoping for two wins to put us back to the top of the table.

Finally, we have been drawn Sprowston Rovers away in the League Cup first round on the 8th of December.

This will be an emotional day for T.Brown as he returns to the club he started his adult playing career at and made his name as a 40-goal-a-season striker around Norfolk.

Kind regards,

Tom ‘goal machine at whatever standard I am put at’ Brown.

Bell Inn out of County Cup but stay top of the league

The Bell Inn faced two of the toughest sides in their short history in the last fortnight and came out of it well.

Last weekend saw the Bell Inn go down 4-1 to Premier League leaders AFC Wanderers in the County Cup after a battling performance.

Wanderers took the lead after 30 minutes but the yellows (even though we play in red and black now) bounced back just before half time through a Josh Farrow bullet.

There were chances for both teams in the second half but with a couple of injuries, the Bell Inn fell just short and conceded three in the last 15 minutes to go out.

A few AFC Wanderers players commented after the match that we were the best team they have played this season.

Final Score – AFC Wanderers 4-1 Bell Inn

(Josh Farrow)

Man of the match – Jesse Payne Wilkins – out of position at left back and up against their best player but did a decent job.

——————————————————-

Yesterday the Bell Inn travelled to Easton College to take on unbeaten PL Rangers on the 3G Pitch.

With most of the squad sober and a total of 4 subs, things were looking decent.

Jordan Rocastle was the danger man for the hosts as we put Luke Appleton on him to man mark.

However, he did manage to score early on with a ridiculous 35 yard strike.

This was against the run of play and the Bell Inn drew level through Calvin Butler, who finished a nice through ball from Reece Ashman.

With the wind causing chaos, PL Rangers once again took the lead through an unstoppable strike.

Half Time – PL Rangers 2 v 1 Bell Inn.

The wind was now with the Bell Inn and they brought on the usually AWOL James McCloy at half time to boost their attacking options.

PL Rangers made it 3-1 though half way through the second half as a near post shot squeezed past debutant Anthony Howell in goal.

This seemed to spur the Bell Inn on as they went all out attack to try and get back into the game and cut the deficit as Josh Farrow smashed home a trade-mark free kick.

Jesse Payne-Wilkins was pushed into a rear appearance up front as Adam Brown was pushed forward into the hole.

With 10 minutes remaining, Brown’s ‘3 at the back’ formation took centre stage and the Bell Inn brought it back to 3-3 after Dale Simpson headed home a superb Jamie Butler corner.

Without playing 3 at the back, this corner would not have been won.

Brown really is a genius.

So is Neil Anderson for letting Brown do this.

Brown did suggest to Anderson to go ‘3 at the back’ after 30 minutes but after a short discussion of ‘NO’, this didn’t happen.

Simpson’s late goal still means that when on the sidelines together, Brown and Bean have only ever lost two games, both in the County Cup.

Final Score – PL Rangers 3 v 3 Bell Inn.

(Calvin Butler, Josh Farrow, Dale Simpson)

PLAYER RATINGS

Ant Howell – 7 – Steady debut

Jesse Payne Wilkins – 8 – Good defender

Jamies Butler – 8 – Always good

Luke Appleton – 9 – MAN OF MATCH – Marked Rocastle out of the game for long periods.

Danny Bland – 8 – His best hungover performance for a while.

Reece Ashman – 7 – Started slow but got better.

Adam Brown – 7 – Did well considering injured.

Jack Tarrant – 7 – Hungover but put in a decent shift.

Calvin Butler – 9 – Unplayable in the first half.

Josh Farrow – 7 – Wind affected his delivery at times.

Dale Simpson – 7 – His quietest game for a while.

SUBS

James McCloy – 6 – Liked the ‘sleeves over hands’ style.

Danny Moore – 6 – Solid

Credit must go to Liam Ward and Jonny Page who came along and we unused substitutes.

Also, nice to see a bit of the Bell Inn fan base back in force with the Appletons, Big Phil, Michelle ‘Dale’ Simpson, Gaz Barker, Danny Cullum, Will Farrow and Jamie Alison all in attendance.

And nice to see us still sitting top of the league. To get promoted and be sitting top in November in the league above is no mean feat. Lots of work to do but after playing almost every team, I think we can win this.

No game next week. Thank the lord.

Kind regards.

Tom ‘come on then….’ Brown.

Bell Inn go top of the league

The Bell Inn pulled off a miracle comeback to beat Earlham United and over take them at the top of the table.

After a strange week, the Bell Inn rose from 6th to 2nd in the table after Rose Tavern pulled out.

Everyone above us had smashed them but them withdrawing meant these teams all lost 3 points and a lot of goals, pushing us level with leaders Earlham, making the game massive.

The Bell Inn started slowly as usual and found themselves 2-0 down within 20 minutes. Sloppy defending and the inability to wake up properly before 11am was the reason.

Josh Farrow pulled a goal back after an exquisite dummy from Saggy Brown put him through and he smashed the ball into the bottom corner giving the keeper no chance.

Getting in the way of one of Farrow’s shots is never a good idea. They hurt. Trust me.

Despite waking up, a third goal was soon conceded but Farrow scored a second just before half time, almost identical to his first with good build up play from Joe Pattison, Reece Ashman and Saggy again.

Half time – Bell Inn 2 v 3 Earlham United.

Liam Ward came on for Danny Moore as the Bell Inn looked to come from behind yet again.

Richard Donovan made his first appearance of the season, albeit on the sidelines. He looked very fresh faced and was heard mumbling about poor defending from time to time.

Also on the sideline with WAGs Laura and Michelle (owned by Robbie Stone and Dale Simpson). They were heard comparing their boyfriends manhood.

Managers Tom Brown and Neil Anderson were reunited and were having a laugh on the sideline, only to then realise that there was only 15 minutes left and the Bell Inn were still losing.

To make things harder, Joe Pattison got himself sent off. I am not sure why to be honest. He got a yellow in the first half which was barely a foul. Then a second yellow for, well, absolutely nothing.

This sprung Brown into action as he launched his ‘3 at the back formation’, despite only having ten men.

This led to new signing Marc Garrod telling Brown to f*ckoff (which he later apologised for).

With Jamie Butler now up front, he played through Dale Simpson who won a penalty with just 3 minutes left.

Farrow smashed it home to complete his hat-trick.

The Bell Inn then reverted to a safer formation and aimed to see out a draw. Apart from Simpson that is…

Last season’s top scorer picked the ball up on the half way line, held on to it for a total of 30 seconds, skipped past about 15 challenges and was finally hacked on the edge of the box.

The free kick had Farrow’s name all over it but to everyone’s surprise, Saggy stepped up and curled it into the back of the net in true Tom Brown style.

Full Time – Bell Inn 4 v 3 Earlham United.

(Josh Farrow 3, Saggy Brown 1)

PLAYER RATINGS

Robbie Stone – 7 – Made one (in his own words) ‘world class save’. Did very well considering the state he was in.

Danny Moore – 7 – Made one mistake but was his usual solid self.

Jamie Butler – 8 – Kept there ’35 goals in 5 games’ strikeforce quiet.

Marc Garrod – 4 – Swearing at the manager is not tolerated. Apology puts his rating up from a 1.

Danny Bland – 8 – Probably our best defender in this game.

Reece Ashman – 7 – Worked up and down tirelessly and unlucky people didn’t get on the end of his crosses.

Jack Tarrant – 8 – #BadPlayer but reminds me of Flamini. Crucial.

Saggy Brown – 8 – Quiet throughout but played a part in the goals and scored a brilliant winner.

Josh Farrow – 9 – MAN OF THE MATCH – Stepped up when it mattered.

Dale Simpson – 8 – One of his quieter games but like Farrow, did damage when he needed to.

Joe Pattison – 8 – Our best player in the first half.

SUB

Liam Ward – 8 – Came on at 3-2 down, won 4-3. Nuff said.

Bloody brilliant performance from everyone. That is all I have to say.

Sunday we face Premiership leaders AFC Wanderers away in the cup. This will be a real challenge and we will see how good we really are.

Kind regards

Tom ‘3 at the back wins’ Brown

 

TOP SCORERS LIST

Dale Simpson – 8

Joe Pattison – 6

Josh Farrow – 5

Adam Brown/Simon Freemantle – 3

Reece Ashman/Jesse Payne Wilkins/Will Farrow/Jamie Butler/James McCloy – 1

It’s been a while…

Firstly I would just like to apologise for the lack of blogging. I haven’t actually done one for four games. I blame alcohol and illness.

THREE WEEKS AGO

Anyway, 3 weeks ago we went to Heartsease who had won their first two games. We beat them 4-1.

Joe Pattison came off the bench to score an impressive double to add to Dale Simpson’s and Jesse Payne-Wilkins’ earlier goals.

Robbie Stone made his first appearance in goal and the 343 formation continued to work to good effect.

TWO WEEKS AGO

I didn’t actually turn up to this game due to a heavy birthday night out the night before. Nor did Adam Brown or Robbie Stone, who both woke up in my house mid afternoon, hours after the game had finished.

Despite most of the squad being hungover, 12 of them made it to the County Cup First Round game against Rose Tavern and recorded a 7-1 victory.

This included hat tricks from Joe Pattison and Dale Simpson. Reece Ashman also scored.

Neil Anderson donned the goalkeeping gloves and everyone went home happy.

ONE WEEK AGO

I’d rather not talk about this game. Neil Anderson went on holiday, took Danny Bland with him and left me on my own.

The result, a 6-2 defeat by St Faiths.

We had two sober players and one of them (Josh Farrow) was in goal due to an injury.

This didn’t help but even so, it was an embarrassing performance and word on the street was that as soon as Bean arrives home, Brown is sacked.

TODAY

On his own again, suffering from severe man flu, Brown took the team to second place Sprowston and was ready to retire from management at the early age of 27.

The Bell Inn went 2-0 down early doors so on came Pattison and Payne-Wilkins. Pattison scored a header. 2-1. Half time.

Arguments at half time over formation and other stuff occurred as usual. Brown’s 343 is starting to fall out of favour after such a successful start.

The second half saw Dale Simpson step up and save the manager’s career. A quick fire hat-trick (all top quality goals) turned the game around and Adam Brown sealed the win with a ridiculously good dinky chipped scoop (something his brother taught him to do many years ago).

So thanks Dale. Without you in my squad the last season and a bit, I would have been f*cked.

GENERAL NEWS

Very pleased to welcome Will Farrow and James Hyde back into the squad. Both were major players last season and left the management heartbroken when they quit. But they are back, hopefully for good, and are needed.

Both have bulked up and are stronger players this year. They are still pussies off the pitch though. Especially Will.

And James picked up a new nickname on Saturday – Beak.

Harsh if you ask me as my nose is probably bigger but there you go. So is Jack Tarrant’s actually. And Saggy’s.

Luke Appleton made a rare appearance today. This season Luke is only playing in the ‘big’ games and it was great to have him back. We have missed him.

Also, despite this killing me to say it, we also miss Richard Donovan.

Ok, maybe I am the only one who misses him but Richard COME THE F*CK BACK.

Same applies to Simon Freemantle. You are now banned for Mulbarton so play for us instead.

That is all for today. Well done today for the squad of 13, bloody brilliant.

Regards

Tom ‘He is a dreadful manager but I will be pleased to have Bean back’ Brown.

Bell Inn record first ever senior win

The Bell Inn achieved a milestone on Sunday, winning a game in senior football for the first time.

An impressive display saw a late Josh Farrow penalty give the Bell Inn a 4-3 win, against a strong Acle Reserves side.

The rise of the Bell Inn has been quite amazing.

Formed just 3 years ago, they have gained successive promotions from Division 4B, 3B and last season 2B, to find themselves just one promotion away from the top tier of Sunday football in Norfolk.

Gone are the days of Tom Brown and Ian Babb up front, with Josh Eyre and Kris Lane supporting them from midfield.

Now, under the management of Brown and Neil Anderson, there are 22 very good players to pick from, albeit almost all of them being attackers.

Baring this in mind, Brown went against some senior figures on Sunday and opted for a 3-4-3 formation, with only one natural defender in the starting 11.

The back 3 consisted of Calvin Butler (winger/striker), Marc Garrod (midfielder) and Danny Bland (sober for once).

To make things more controversial, his two substitutes were defenders.

One of them being Robbie Stone, taking part in his first game for about half a year due to excessive alcohol abuse.

Things started badly as Acle scored early on.

However, the rest of the first half saw some of the best attacking football ever to grace Barnham Broom playing field.

Led by (quote Tom Brown) the best player in the league Simon Freemantle, the Bell Inn formed attack after attack and completely demolished the opposition.

The Acle manager came up to Brown and Bean after just 40 minutes and said, ‘You are the best team in this league by far, you will walk it’. A very nice testament to increase the players ego’s.

Freemantle scored an equaliser with a neat finish, then gave Bell Inn the lead with a brilliant solo goal, where he beat about 4 players and curled the ball into the top corner.

James McCloy made it 3 with a debut goal, tapping home from close range after another period of glorious football.

Acle did pull one back just before half time with a stupid free kick which everyone missed.

Half Time – Bell Inn 3 v 2 Acle

The team talk was a very happy one, with most players pleasuring themselves over the new look formation.

 

During half time I looked on Twitter and noticed Jack Tarrant (sitting on a beach in Spain or somewhere) and Joe Pattison (on a hospital bed with dead foot) were tweeting about the game. The Bell Inn really is their life.

The second half started slowly though and Acle made it 3-3.

Acle then hit the post and had a clear cut penalty turned down; the Bell Inn had to lift their game.

With 2 subsitutes on the bench, both defenders, attacking options were limited.

With 15 minutes to go, Robbie Stone (left back) came on upfront for McCloy and Liam Ward (right back) came on to play left wing back for the ever-running Jesse Payne-Wilkins.

Managerial genius.

With just a few minutes left on the clock, a typical Dale Simpson run resulted in him being fouled in the box and up stepped Farrow to do the rest.

Credit to Farrow, who missed a penalty last week against Poringland, but didn’t let that affect him and smashed the ball in exactly the same place.

The last minute saw Stone holding the ball up in the corner and winning throw in after throw in.

Very annoying for the opposition. Very funny for us.

Final Score – Bell Inn 4 v 3 Acle Reserves

(Freemantle 2, McCloy, Farrow)

PLAYER RATINGS

Ben Fisher – 7 – No chance with the goals.

Calvin Butler – 9 – Very impressive debut despite playing out of position. Maybe he is a defender.

Marc Garrod – 9 – Held the line well at the back, very composed.

Danny Bland – 8 – This man is a completely different player when sober. MUST. STOP. DRINKING.

Reece Ashman – 8 – Took one for the team by playing wing-back. Hard work but was superb throughout. Same again this week 🙂

Jesse Payne-Wilkins – 8 – Ditto Reece Ashman.

Josh Farrow – 8 – Giving the captaincy by Brown to make him try harder. Has worked. Superb.

Adam Brown – 8 – Box to box midfielder. Failed to score his standard ‘1 goal a game’.

Simon Freemantle – 9 – MAN OF THE MATCH – I only run his team so I can watch him play. Some ridiculous skills.

Dale Simpson – 7 – Quiet by his standards and a rare game with no goal. Still made the winner though.

James McCloy – 7 – Slowly easing into his Bell Inn career. Looking impressive.

SUBS

Robbie Stone – 10 – Came on at 3-3, we won 4-3.

Liam Ward – 10 – Ditto Robbie Stone.

Very good game against one of the best sides we have played in our short history.

And this was all without 5 of last season’s cup final starters.

Luke Appleton, Jack Tarrant, Joe Pattison, Jamie Butler and Richard Donovan are all yet to come into the equation, amongst a few others.

This weekend the Bell Inn travel to Heartsease, who have a 100% record so far.

This will change on Sunday.

Oh, and this is the 100th Bell Inn blog. Thanks for reading.

Kind regards.

Tom ‘who needs defenders when you have attackers’ Brown.

Bell Inn draw as curse of kit continues

The curse of the new Bell Inn kit continued yesterday as they were held to a 4-4 draw away to fellow promoted side Poringland.

The £500 kit, awarded to them by the FA for reaching last seasons County Cup final, has been worn 3 times now and has resulted in a loss, a draw and a poor performance at a 5 a side competition.

Managers Tom Brown and Neil Anderson were up until the early hours this morning discussing whether or not to continue to wear the kit or go back to the ‘peoples favourite’ luminous yellow jersey.

In usual style, the Bell Inn turned up in late with Danny Bland providing the most comedy before the match, spending 10 minutes outside trying to make himself sick.

Bland was caught on camera just hours before the game, trying it on with two of his mates girlfriends. Unfortunately for him, they both turned him down.

Eventually most of the squad arrived, with Jamie Butler and Johnny Page arriving just 5 minutes before kick off and James McCloy not showing at all.

The Bell Inn were without 7 of the 14 players who featured in last season’s cup final and new faces made their debuts.

Jack Tarrant was suspended, Richard Donovan and Joe Pattison injured.

Chris Richmond has gone completely AWOL and Luke Appleton, Will Farrow and James Hyde are rumoured to be having a break from the club in protest of the new kit being worn.

Also, Robbie Stone was given the weekend off due to illness after a week in Ibiza.

This saw debuts for Ben Fisher, Johnny Page, Marc Garrod and Jesse Payne-Wilkins.

Josh Farrow was handed the captaincy for the game in Donovan’s and Tarrant’s absence and lead by example by missing a penalty after 20 minutes.

However, Farrow followed up the goalkeepers save and smashed home the rebound.

One soon became two after a brilliant through ball by Reece Ashman was chased down and casually finished by Dale Simpson. The Bell Inn were in control.

Both goals were dramatically celebrated by the ‘still drunk’ Page as he ran lengths of the pitch screaming with delight.

Page was later seen with bleeding gums as the previous night started to take his toll.

Poringland them came back into the game and new goalkeeper Ben Fisher had to make a number of decent stops to keep them out.

He was beaten just before half time though as a looping header found its way in at the back post.

Half time – Poringland 1 v 2 Bell Inn.

New signing James McCloy eventually turned up, unexpectedly, stinking of alcohol. He got changed and ran the line as he warmed up to enter the action.

On came Jesse Payne-Wilkins for a tired Liam Ward but the Bell Inn were pulled level after Poringland scored a second.

It was then time for McCloy, but as he was about to come on, the referee stopped him as he hadn’t been listed amongst the substitutes.

This lead to a touchline fight between Brown and McCloy which left the latter in tears.

With not long remaining, the impressive Simon Freemantle picked up the ball on the left, beat about 5 players and somehow curled the ball into the bottom corner. It looked like the Bell Inn had won it.

But Poringland hit back immediately.

As Brown and Bean bickered with each other on the touchline, on whether to go 3 at the back and push for the win, or settle for the draw, Adam Brown found himself one on one and chipped the ball over the keeper.

Wild celebrations emerged as this time surely the Bell Inn had won it.

But no. A poor refereeing decision and shoody defending allowed another Poringland equaliser and the game ended 4-4.

Final Score – Poringland 4 v 4 Bell Inn

(Farrow, Simpson, Freemantle, A.Brown)

PLAYER RATINGS

Ben Fisher – 9 – MAN OF MATCH -Let in four goals but made five or six outstanding saves.

Liam Ward – 6 – Fatigued towards the end of the first half.

Jamie Butler – 8 – Still drunk in the first half and plays a lot better drunk.

Johnny Page – 7 – Completely smashed for the whole game. That’s why we signed him.

Danny Bland – 6 – Very worried about his drinking habits.

Reece Ashman – 7 – Great assist for second goal.

Marc Garrod – 7 – Promising debut, more to come.

Adam Brown – 8 – Almost the match winner.

Simon Freemantle – 8 – When he got the ball, was unplayable.

Josh Farrow – 8 – Played better centrally, led by example.

Dale Simpson – 8 – Always plays well.

SUBS

Jesse Payne-Wilkins – 7 – Caused Poringland serious problems.

James McCloy – 10 – Great commitment turning up, albeit late, will start next week for his efforts.

Tom Brown – 0 – On the bench ready to make his senior football debut. Bottled it. Maybe next week.

Good first game, disappointed not to win which makes next weeks game at home to Acle Reserves (I think) absolutely crucial.

Potentially back to the yellow kit.

Regards.

Tom ‘Who wants my job?’ Brown.

Bell Inn are back

The new season starts Sunday and the Bell Inn are probably all out drinking Saturday night to prepare for it.

Joint manager Tom Brown hopes so anyway…

‘The lads better all turn up Sunday with a hangover. After turning up for last season’s Cup Final sober and playing like that, I have decided sober players have no place in our squad’.

Brown however has decided to turn up with a clear head and has offered to work over night at ABC Taxis to keep himself off the streets.

It has been an interesting summer, with many of the squad going on holiday.

Winger Reece Ashman made this mistake and decided to punch a mirror. This resulted in serious injury and nearly a lost limb.

Luckily Reece survived and has declared himself fit for Sunday.

Neil Anderson has been on a couple of trips but is still yet to find the girl of his dreams, despite searching everywhere.

However, ‘Bean’ was spotted in Pulse the other week with these two stunners. He was later seen going home in a taxi with them.

Richard Donovan has become unemployed at the age of 28.

Despite having a very well respected family, the ‘tearaway’ quit his job and has started a new career in watching Netflix 24/7.

Donovan has only left the house 6 times in the last 2 months. Everyone is concerned.

Throughout the summer, many of the squad have been caught on camera a bit worse for wear.

Ben Fisher severely put this girl completely off him. Although not quite as bad as Bean’s attempt, Fisher is simply having a mare performing facial expressions like that in front of a girl of such standard.

James Hyde was caught on camera in a club in Zante, doing a poo.

The worst act though has to be Jesse Payne- Wilkins, spotted outside some flats in these pajama bottoms. Simply horrific.

Anyway, the Bell Inn have strengthened this summer and are looking to be a real force in Division 1B.

In case you didn’t know, this is now classed as ‘Senior Football’. Brown has waited his whole life to play senior football and it is rumoured that he will play himself non-stop until he has scored a goal.

This could take months, and could ruin the clubs chances of promotion but he doesn’t care.

Sunday at Poringland, 10.30am kick off.

Be there.

Kind regards,

Tom ‘#InBeanWeTrust’ Brown.

Bell Inn Fixtures 2013/14

2013

1st SEPT – Poringland (away)

8th SEPT – Acle Reserves (home)

15th SEPT – Heartsease FC (away)

22nd SEPT – County Cup

29th SEPT – St Faiths (home)

6th OCT – Sprowston Wanderers (away)

13th OCT – Earlham United (home)

20TH OCT – County Cup

27th OCT – PL Rangers (away)

3rd NOV – Rose Tavern (home)

10th NOV – Ribs Rovers (away)

17th NOV – County Cup

24th NOV – Spixworth Reserves (home)

1st DEC – Unicorns (home)

8th DEC – League Cup

15th DEC – Acle Reserves (away)

2014

5th JAN – Heartsease FC (home)

12th JAN – St Faiths (away)

19th JAN – County Cup

26th JAN – Earlham United (away)

2nd FEB – League Cup

9th FEB – Rose Tavern (away)

16th FEB – Ribs Rovers (home)

23rd FEB – Spixworth Reserves (away)

2nd MAR – County Cup

9th MAR – Poringland (home)

16th MAR – PL Rangers (home)